Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML
Today, I had to run to put the trash out for the garbage truck, only I was so hungover, I forgot I was only wearing an open dressing gown and no underwear. A few neighbours and passing cars got to see me swinging in the breeze. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
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Top comments
razzberry 9
I mean.....honestly you have control here.
RakaI 8
You allowed it to yourself.
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Comments (234)
_Vamp_ 9
Obviously roofies happened in between.
kareltje 17
YOU happened. Before, after and in between. And you're the only one to fix this problem that you brought upon yourself. Own up to your responsibilities and don't hide behind the blissful ignorance of alcohol/drugs/bad friends induced oblivion...
nuhuh 1
Dr. Phil?
kareltje 17
He wished! :D
ayaram 0
Why the hell are you drinking in a bush?
cbdee 8
Cuz sometimes they're wetttt :p
robertlovespi 3
I seriously don't know how you could have thought this was fyl. That's like saying I put a gun on my arm and pulled the trigger. FML
perdix 31
Go to an AA meeting. You'll find your answers there, plus you'll hear a lot of stories that make your drunken crime spree sound like a silly prank.
AngryBeaver32 8
At least you know trashy behavior from mature, responsible behavior. Hey, you had fun. I'm sure you'll get your shit together and grow from that but it'll be a fun memory to laugh about later.
thehoneybadger 10
I feel bad for whatever poor person owns the business you robbed.
bobslawnservice 16
It's all fun and games and unamusing FML posts until the police knock on the dorr and you end up in prison. Stop being an idiot.
jfa236 4
That's funny shit. Even better that you try absolve yourself of any responsibility!
ScarletBloom 14
Reminds me of the movie "hangover part 2".