Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML
Today, I had to run to put the trash out for the garbage truck, only I was so hungover, I forgot I was only wearing an open dressing gown and no underwear. A few neighbours and passing cars got to see me swinging in the breeze. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
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Top comments
razzberry 9
I mean.....honestly you have control here.
RakaI 8
You allowed it to yourself.
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Comments (234)
razzberry 9
I mean.....honestly you have control here.
fabian21 0
I'd recommend you check yourself before you wreck yourself.
MrBoredGuy 1
Define "good citizen"
bennn89 5
Its U.K. For robe
enonymous 9
Cocaine is a helluva drug.
lmfao_shame 9
dis aent even fml dat sounds so0o0oo mean!!!! to drink in bush naked lyk bush men
enonymous 9
34 - thank you for destroying the English language. You may now upgrade to destroying the Chinese language
purplebluetattoo 3
Exactly. YDI for making bad decisions. I hope your life turns around.
ShyAnn29 15
Dressing gown = robe, that was a response to #3
maybeeiwill 11
What happened in between = u were a complete anti social so no matter who said hello to u, u would cling on to them even these low life fucktards who treat u like crap... Will power fir the win!
ImaginaryFoe 1
Actually, it doesn't sound like he/she has control at all. On the bright side, OP, you've got your introduction story for your first AA or NA meeting.
dre_bro11 12
OP, by the sounds of it, you've began to recover already... First step's already complete - you've admitted the problem. Now, just introduce yourself to us properly, following the AA formality, and we shall be your comforting fellow 'White trashers'.
AnonymousTroll 2
55 - can I tap her ass?
GoingCommando93 14
Where does the fml come in? Total ydi dumbass
66mustangrocks 4
Wow your a complete fucktard
farhil 14
75, wtf are you going on about?
TheShroomMonger 2
Pretty sure she's wrecked already
ajeppsen 25
Cuz I'm bad for your health I come real stealth
RakaI 8
You allowed it to yourself.
Alleged_Cranium 7
I think the words that you are looking for are "happen to". HAPPEN TO
xXCANUCKSXx 0
But black girls tend to be naturally trashy and the only white girls listen to courtney love and shoot herion all day Rip kurt
z620 0
They sound like my friends...
jenna_rae 0
That was you? Wish bro way to steal my sh!t.
rawwwrrrsheet 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What the **** is a dressing gown?
RockstarRN 10
Wondering the same thing!
RockstarRN 10
And how does one become FML team?
Sirin_fml 47
http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/3026
RedPillSucks 33
About the cute butt?
xXCANUCKSXx 0
**** u
TeeHee124 0
Is the FML team all friends or a bunch of people that don't know each other from all over?
Sirin_fml 47
We're all friends, or at least we are when the antidepressants kick in.
alexxss_fml 10
Lol nice
EmilyJoSmyth 4
How the hell don't you people know what a bloody dressing gown is. Jesu cristo!!!
TeeHee124 0
Wow that's actually pretty funny how we weren't even talking about the FML, but didn't get moderated cause were actually talking to the FML team
Shrike 24
^ you butthurt or somethin'?
yousodi 10
No kidding eh
TheCarChanel 0
No one ansewrd the queston
starfish7 18
Can't you just ask, "What is a dressing gown?" Why the profanity?
MissLyonsBaby 4
Dressing gown, bath robe, house coat... You know?
meaganinja 12
How the **** can you not know what a dressing gown is... Are you American or something?
meaganinja 12
How the **** can you not know what a dressing gown is... Are you American or something?
firelight619 0
......
False_Stupidity 42
That says it all right there, ellipses are the universal answer...
uffiewuffie 0
What a clever and well thought out response
DFlit1 0
Might be that thing u and ur stoner friends r smoking... There's a reason it's illegal
walterism 0
hey come on now that's way too much stereo typing right there
guitarbeast 22
In fact i would say that it would normally be the opposite, it's alcohol that makes you do dumb shit like that
lmfao_shame 9
how is that opposite to what he's saying?!!!
PeteyPablo12308 20
Because alcohol DOES cause many many more problems than marijuana. It's not just a stereotype, it's a fact.
Jenglish17 0
PeteyPablo, you said it!
False_Stupidity 42
Past FML Reference FTW... Interestingly, I just checked and that other one has same user name. It could be the same OP!
False_Stupidity 42
Hey I just noticed that in the FML you just referenced, the OP has same name as this OP, could be the same person.
False_Stupidity 42
Hey I just noticed that in the FML you just referenced, the OP has same name as this OP, could be the same person.
mgsoloist 14
Alcohol makes dumb shit happen. Weed makes you go on fun adventures. Half the time that adventure is the grocery store but when your high everything is an adventure! :D
darnellq 13
Weed/illegal drugs don't make you do stupid things? Good call stoners. It seems clear that they were stoned before they stole the alcohol.
darnellq 13
I was being sarcastic when I said good call by the way if you're too stoned to notice. I know a LOT of stoners and they do a lot more stupid crap than alcoholics. I'm in NO WAY saying alcohol isn't bad.
underguarded 20
Holy shit people, Doing either alcohol or drugs impairs your judgement. Although, why did OP drink the booze when he was having the munchies?
ZebulonPike 8
56- alcohol may cause more problems, but that doesn't mean it's great to smoke weed. Despite what you guys all say, scientific studies show that weed is as bad (or worse) for you as cigarettes. Weed also impairs judgement, just like alcohol. Go ahead and thumb my comment down if you want, but I'm stating the REAL facts.
sirhobothesecond 3
and the reason is that in the 1930s a greedy ass tree paper company ran a campaign against hemp and hemp products which were outselling tree paper products. They made up some bullshit about how it effects the body and the government gave in to it and made it illegal.
icefshng8 9
But you're not addicted to weed, NOBODY smokes the equivalent to two packs of smokes a day. And it clears the mind!!
MeMareeh 0
Weed is NOT addictive. One may like it and want to smoke it and even smoke it all the time but when one stops there is no withdrawal. There is a huge difference between really liking something and being addicted to something. If I'm wrong then be forwarned because chocolate and ice cream could become the next iilegal substance :-)
RedPillSucks 33
That's the definition of physical addiction. There's also psychological addiction. Weed is in that category.
monkeys1315 0
I know many people who are addicted to weed. So I believe it is just as addicting if not more so then alcohol.
Jesus_Christ69 0
Nobody smokes that much because they can't. If you have some decent weed you'll stay high for a couple hours. So it's basically impossible unless you keep on smoking.. And smoking.. And smoking.. And smoking.. Yeah..
cbdee 8
Stupid pple do stupid things, the weed/drugs/alcohol just enhance what's already there...
darnellq 13
Nicely stated.
darnellq 13
96- so smoking doesn't hurt lungs or anythings else right? Where's your proof of this? For the rest of you, my dad was what you all describe as a "casual smoker" and was abusive. When he was high he'd beat me bloody and always said that it didn't feel like he was being like that (due to the weed "slowing things down"). Drugs are ******* stupid. Be a real adult and handle shit without getting intoxicated (drugs AND alcohol)!!
smashgrab 0
Doing drugs is stupid, as is excessive drinking. Anything that impairs your judgment and makes you think that robbing a liquor store and drinking in a bush is probably a bad idea. Some people shouldn't be allowed into society.
amac0214 0
74 is completley right lol
arin2009 0
You guys are all stupid! It clearly states in the DSM-IV that marijuana is not addictive because there is no psychological or physical withdrawals, so next time use a legitimate source when you give people information.....
Gema2dicks 0
Have you guys ever noticed that whenever someone puts the words "marihuana" and "illegal" together, a whole debate goes on?
False_Stupidity 42
In case anyone is wondering, my double comment at 66 & 67 was aimed at #33 but ended up here.. sorry, FAIL x2
TraceCase_ 19
Yeah, shouldn't you actually be grounded or something right now? Why are you out roaming the streets, getting in more trouble?
TraceCase_ 19
Bummer...my comment above doesn't belong here, sorry.
CSRozell 4
lmao agreed And I have a feeling op is a female and stoners who drew on her are guys so a lot more probably happened than what we are being told
JuggaletteKlown 0
I just recently had to write a paper about weed for college. And apparently no, weed is less harmful then ciggs. It's ONLY mentally addictive, and is a lot better than alcohol/ciggs by far simply because it makes you happy(unless laced or unless you're stupid and smoke too much), and actually has an effect(unlike ciggs which are only mentally helpful.)d: potheads UNITE!
docscientist 10
You guys seem to forget that people are stupid without drugs. It seems op and friends fall into this category.
yankeebaceball 1
There's NO REASON IT'S ILLEGAL MORON
clmsntgrs 2
nothing like another airsoft poser trying to act badass online. let me guess. you like to play call of duty too. I bet you also use the word PWN. Shut up kid.
twistedlovex 0
Lol pwnage
prince122 0
Alcohol....... Gotta love the things it can make us.
nublets 12
Life, gotta love the things it makes us drink
ohSNAPyall 27
I love the things alcohol can make us, like beer rolls and tiramisu.
CassieStrawbs 7
Prince122, i love your picture. Huge Avenged fan myself.
spicerack1528 3
Too much **** for cash perhaps?
BobsUrAunty 2
this reminds me of Trent from Punchy. I hate that druggo.
jgduplante 9
I bet you hooked up with one of the idiot stoners and now are being influenced by his and his friends' poor lifestyle because you want them to like you.. Stand up for yourself!!!
tsim_fml 0
Ok so whatever happened you gotta fix... This is on you not us, you should have looked for help or something before coming to FML
smamlatina 4
Says the person with a smurfs pic. Fml?
OncomingStorm 4
Says the person with the owl pic?
Aim_Low 4
On the bright side you got some free drank...
BellaBelle_fml 23
Apparently your username reflects your way of thinking.
Aim_Low 4
My username, in fact, does not reflect how I think. I tend to think on the bright side of things. I'm sorry if my optimism offends you.
BobsUrAunty 2
who, besides T Pain, says 'drank'? I believe its drink, or alcoholic beverage
bizarre_ftw 22
Since when is anyone politically correct on this site?