Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML
Today, I had to run to put the trash out for the garbage truck, only I was so hungover, I forgot I was only wearing an open dressing gown and no underwear. A few neighbours and passing cars got to see me swinging in the breeze. FML
Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML
Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML
Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
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Top comments
razzberry 9
I mean.....honestly you have control here.
RakaI 8
You allowed it to yourself.
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Comments (234)
bannedforlife 0
Hilarious.
HushHushKeeKat 0
I feel like she got thumbed down purely because of her profile picture. LOL
Freeze_fml 17
Congratulations on having a recollection of the initial events.
kathuzada 6
And that's why you need a diary
lluliet92 0
thats to sad...try and find the road to redemption.
RougeRamirez 8
Cocaine is a hell of a drug
batman_516 9
You don't know what happened in between?Maybe it was that night you had where those friends glued coins and Oreos to the ceiling, and you woke up naked covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokemon, with your parents due home in an hour?
MrIncredibleSME 3
Look at your 5 closest friends- they're a good indicator of who you are. If you don't like what you see, take some responsibility for yourself
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
U became white trash!
kit001 0
Sounds like someone doesn't want to take responsibility for their actions... You don't know what happened in between... Gimme a break, would ya?
mistersheezy 7
Spontaneous stupidity strikes again!!! Maybe...... I doubt it!