Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tapeworms. FML
The passenger
Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Bunged up
Today I discovered the hard way that you can rip your own butthole. Not from having sex though, I ripped my own butt because I was constipated. FML
Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML
Sorry, little dude
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Where did you come from?
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
Nice mental image
Today, I had no choice but to unclog a toilet with my bare hands. FML
Belly bounce
Today, I learned that a innie belly button does not clean itself. I can't begin to describe the horrors I found, after using tweezers to get thirty years worth of "contents" out from inside me. FML
Top comments
almightyymarcus 6
You should go to the doctor But I'm Glad you were trying to make a good life decision by trying to live healthier OP keep up the good work
DeadxManxWalking 27
might want to go see a doctor.
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Comments (92)
DeadxManxWalking 27
might want to go see a doctor.
almightyymarcus 6
You should go to the doctor But I'm Glad you were trying to make a good life decision by trying to live healthier OP keep up the good work
PhantomKitty 26
I'm so glad that you found out about the tapeworm before it could do anything worse!
purplepong 14
How could it do anything worse... It made it all the way through his intestines and when he pulled it out he prob didn't get the head so it'll grow its body back.. He needs to go to the doctor
Jackimo98 24
Well he could've potentially died if it got really bad
Mathalamus 25
and now i am paranoid about tapeworms.
LunaaBluee 27
Umm... Why ? Just don't eat undercooked meat or contaminated water
Megs37 3
and now I'm also paranoid about tapeworms uhhh
DatBlueDerp 13
Why is #20 getting downvoted? That's valid advice
junjunbun 28
Oh God, that's disgusting. Fyl OP, you should probably go see a doctor about that. *barfs in my mouth* Gratz on the lifestyle change though!
8313girl 28
Congrats is short enough. Didn't have enough energy left to type that out.
mackdeezy 22
My concern is that it was in some of the health food OP was eating, maybe some of the vegetables.
kelliecraine 2
Tapeworms are from uncooked meat not veggies
mackdeezy 22
Trye, but sometimes the eggs will land on plants. Plus there are some strains that are known to be in pork that also find their way in plants.
ChiefKoala 30
Yep yep. But also you can get it from not washing your hands after touching contaminate fecal matter and what have you.
FYlife604 18
this means you have to wash your hands now on OP.
leafynitemare 24
Could also be from a sketchy vitamin supplement. That some dude named Carl makes in his mother's basement bathtub.
OtakuTaco 15
At least you're losing weight and the tapeworm's gone.
allie2590 31
Ha nope. The head will still be in there and it will keep growing until OP gets some medicine from a doctor.
ssnow_fml 20
It doesn't matter how you lost the weight. The fact is you lost the weight.
tigerisabelle 31
Would you say that to a cancer patient?
Tripartita 45
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that #7 was being facetious instead of actually saying something so bulimia/anorexia-promoting. His previous comments seem to imply he has at least half a brain. :-P
PhantomKitty 26
Um, no. Last year my mother started losing a lot of weight extremely quickly. She began to get sick a lot, and because she was eating healthily and working out, she thought that perhaps she was working herself too hard. She lost almost one hundred pounds in a year. Turns out that her colon had ruptured. The endometriosis she had earlier in life actually saved her life because it blocked the hole. She started seeing a doctor because she was feeling so bad, and he sent her to a surgeon to do an exploratory search. She had an emergency hysterectomy, appendectomy, and colostomy done all at the same time. The surgeon said that if she'd come in even a week later to do that search, she wouldn't be here today. Point is, dramatic weight loss in a short amount of time can point to something SERIOUSLY wrong. "It doesn't matter how you lost weight" is complete bullshit.
bretzeller 13
The moral is that tape worm or not, the guy lost weight. We used to use them as a weight loss supplement. Now he can get medicine to kill the worm, and he'll still have lost all that weight. You don't die from it, it's not a serious medical condition. A large chunk of all humans have worm infections at some point or another.
ChiefKoala 30
Um. I hate to burst your ignorant bubble pal, but yes they can. Tapeworms cause health problems around the world and can even kill since they rob us of nutrients, block our intestines, and take up space in organs that stop them from functioning normally. A tapeworm cyst can settle in the brain, eye, liver, and elsewhere. So yeah...
DoomedGemini 38
This is what u find so disgusting. Your goal should be to get HEALTHY. For some people that involves losing weight, but if it's through an unhealthy way what's the point? If someone's healthy but not thin, why does it matter? We should be concerned with health
ilanie04 16
i meant to down vote you. oops. and it sure does. Starvation? definitely unhealthy and not good. but you lose weight.
delichick 27
Jesus dude - I threw up a little in my mouth. Tapeworms scare the shit outta me...Im terrified about getting one. Get yourself to your doctor like others suggested. Great job trying to be healthier, but the tapeworm aint cool. Like #5 said, it was maybe something you ate - if it was off produce it wasnt washed properly or someone somewhere maybe didnt wash their hands properly (or not at all). Ugh
Justinspires 5
I have no comment for this. WOW
Tripartita 45
You could've fooled me.
LPac5295 27
Except this one?
neuronerd 29
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
The way you found out was pretty terrifying, but I'll admit my dysfunctional self has always kind of wished I'd get one. As others said, go see a doctor. I hope you're ok
allie2590 31
You need a different kind of doctor.
Snickers4 16
You want a tapeworm? Wtf
tomvertigo 17
Riiiight. Because nothing is more fun than a parasite Shawshanking it's way around your intestines giving you nutrient deficincies and other potential health issues. Go see a psychiatrist about your apparent self-image issue - please. I am sure if you WANT a tapeworm you've considered and practiced other unhealthy methods of weight control.