Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when I got a sudden agonising cramp in my foot. I cried out in pain, but he didn't stop. If anything, my cries of pain seemed to spur him on. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML
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Top comments
Blink_me26 21
Ouch. Maybe save your kink for further down the track OP :P
Welshite 40
Well you might have taken your inspiration too far, given your nickname. Clawing is a special skill that shouldn't be abused. Maybe try a scratching post next time.
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Comments (92)
howdoilogin 9
At what point did you think scratching someone was sexy? You clearly need lessons, YDI.
spunkyo5 3
Love it when they draw blood clawing like that, really brings out the beast in you. Sounds like your boyfriend is a weak litte man.
b3ritt30 7
well then.
r00nie 10
too much for first time. better save things for when things start getting boring.
SaniK 17
He just can't handle you, you need a real man. When I girl rakes my back I rake her right back!
kittykat033 10
If he wants the pussy he can't be one
CrikOgresmasher 19
:[ what a wimp
Duggie1339 13
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is hilarious I can't stop laughing... Okay your life sucks I mean you didn't deserve because you where trying to spice things up, and frankly, unless your nails are incredibly sharp and long, your boyfriend is a major pussy.
privatepiper 7
Haha, you have a girlfriend.
WeskersSexslave 15
your nails are nails not talons, maybe asking him first if the pressure of your nails feel good..
Miss_Whipped 43
"Oh, baby... does the pressure of my nails feel good?" Yep, that's the trick.