Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, I was babysitting my 5 month-old nephew, who hasn't pooped in two days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolled over and peed on my new carpet. I rolled him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML
Today, I spilt a very hot cup of tea all over a burn I got yesterday from spilling a very hot cup of tea. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to put a few extra spoonfuls of sugar in my co-worker's coffee. He thought it would be funny to throw the boiling hot coffee over my crotch. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were changing our newborn son when he peed on her, making me lose it laughing. Less than five seconds later, as I picked him up to clean him off, he did a huge poop, all over my hands, arms, feet, and clothes. Instant Karma. FML
Today, while babysitting a 9-year-old boy, I stubbed my toe on a coffee table. I yelled, "SON OF A…" but managed to stop myself before saying the last part. The boy yelled, "You were gonna say bitch! I'm telling mom and dad!" and, despite my desperate attempts to dissuade him, he did just that. Guess who's fired. FML
Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML
Today, while my mother was driving me to school, her coffee started to spill. So like a normal parent, she held it over my lap. FML
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Top comments
Charlie Given 28
Aww the joys of toddlers 🤣🤣
blahblabbity 19
just explain what happened to them, i bet they won’t be too mad. also tell her those aren’t nice words
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Comments (8)
Charlie Given 28
Aww the joys of toddlers 🤣🤣
blahblabbity 19
just explain what happened to them, i bet they won’t be too mad. also tell her those aren’t nice words
mas12806 24
Everyone learns eventually, why wait
darkshadus 10
If you don't make a big deal about it most kids stop on their own
disturbedgd 26
And at that "moment" you used your time to post it on FML.
Miss_Red 18
As a mum of a three year old, i literally laughted out loud.. then immediately remembered that my son wouldnt stop calling the family pet a ******** today.
AmbrosiaFan 19
The reason kids keep saying it is because some adults make it such a HUGE THING. My son said "holy shit" when he was four. After my husband and I hid our laughter and just looked at our son, we said "try not to say that again as I know you are just copying what mommy said. definitely don't say it around maw maw and paw paw and not in public either ok?"... My now 7 year old hardly swears, he let damn slip once and I just reminded him to not say it in public. He also doesn't like the word "****" so he doesn't say it.