Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
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Top comments
coltsrock37 15
that'll spike up his sex drive
dre_bro11 12
ouch! three-way with the cactus?
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Comments (168)
oboewhore_xD 6
He liked it.
skigirl98 9
Felt it, loved it, embraced it ;)
randomlettrrs 8
embraced it with his face
skigirl98 9
Hell yea
MrFlintstone 5
even took it in the face
dolphincheddar 10
look sharp, you just got yourself In a prickly situation. you might wanna start running and desert the place before be cactus up to you
krazy_glu3 0
wait till hes on top. that shelf my 'accidentally' break again.
enonymous 9
He still finished so Im sure he doesn't care
FYLinAmajorWay 1
Wild sex + Cactus over the bed = Painful Situation...but it doesn't say anywhere in the FML that you both stopped so you must have been doing something good if he was willing to get over the fact that he had a bunch of cactus needles in his face. lol
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Ya gotta love a good cactus in the face.
enonymous 9
I enjoy a good cocktus in the ass every now and then... more now than then...
hellbilly205 17
talk about a boner kill. Seriously haha. and this should be the guys fml, think about that he's the one that got a cactus to the face Today, i was having sex with my girlfriend, and a cactus fell on me midway through. FML
blanquito 1
does anyone else notice the "cactus above bed" trend on FML?
katieklein 0
He felt the burning sensation!
JohannMedina 0
THIS IS THE TALE OF
BShady96 0
HIS FACE, DAMNIT!!
Uncle_Moe_Lester 3
at least the shelf didn't hit him as well
juicedboi 7
So in a way, you both copped it in the face that night. Moral of the story is, cacti are cockblockers!
kyarush 10
who has shelves above the bed? that's bad news lol
PutItIn 8
Sticks and stones may break my bones but cactuses excite me.
CatEyes66 0
She decided to do the poking this time.
TheChampagneBoi 5
Could have been worse, like a snowglobe.
ally_85 1
ahhhh the first timessssss
YoTengoTomatoes 7
I love how she said "favorite little cactus" as if she's more worried about the cactus rather than his face -.-
nesscafe_fml 17
a cactus is bad feng shui in the bedroom...just thought id mention that fun fact.
RoxRoidz 0
Looks like he was ******. HAHAHAHAHAHA
p3mguin 7
I would finish all over her bouncy boobs if I had a cactus on my face. My boner would not go away.
dre_bro11 12
ouch! three-way with the cactus?
snade 0
Why the hell was there a cactus above your bed. That's just asking for disaster.
AngryCanadian 0
Doesn't matter, had sex!
iSitt 0
now a prick is in him
kathuzada 6
Not gay if it's a 3way
Ch0sen 13
Facial penetration by cactus
likerawrandstuff 0
She Put A Bag Over My Head.! XD
JiggaJayZ 16
that's why you grab his man *******
funnyshitt 0
thumbed up just cuz the pic LoL cant wait
superguy101 0
WTF
coltsrock37 15
that'll spike up his sex drive
genesisnirvana 11
while also killing his eyesight.
iSitt 0
he'll always remember her that way.
Cereal_Is_Good 5
At least it wasn't your favorite brick.
senseisuncommon 7
..and if he wasin't a prick earlier.. he is now.
Mr_Saikaly 35
ouch that hurts for sure
Igshmia 0
I can think of some worse places...
zachattack112492 4
yea, it could of hit his snow globes
itsgen 16
poor plant :/
jadengtfo 0
I bet the cactus was jealous you were getting some and he wasn't!
no_clue_4_u 4
that may be one of the dumbest things I've ever read!
tylersign 11
I bet it wasn't.
turkishjew 0
on this site that is on my top most stupid comments ever made
jadengtfo 0
ok all of you are seriously such dipshits. ever heard of sarcasm?
edogy2 1
128- What exactly is owling?
music87 14
bed, not head.
jadengtfo 0
owling is when you do the same thing as planking, but you sit in a perch like an owl.
pottymouth16 0
thts the stupidess shit I've ever heard
Cereal_Is_Good 5
Regardless of you being sarcastic, it wasn't funny.
Rapt0rJesus 0
Not quite the smartest in the family.
Blazingcrono 6
At least it wasn't on his groin.
BADDiam 4
Sleeping fatty?
jacob12311 4
your picture is of drooling patrick, your the ultimate fatty
koe4 0
snorlax
ohmygodthatsux 0
good job
DKjazz 20
He likes his pleasure laced with pain. And cacti.
MCVelvet1497 3
Pop goes his penis!