Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML
Today, I was eating out with my partner, and we decided to use the new lube we bought. Things went great until I later realized I was allergic to it and a large red rash spread all across my mouth and chin. It won't go away. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my shirt off, she saw my chest acne. She ran out of my house and hasn't spoken to me in 5 hours. FML
Today, while having fun between the sheets with my boyfriend, his allergies got the best of him and his nose started running. Every time he kissed me he'd drip snot onto my face. When I complained, he said I was being insensitive. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML
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Top comments
richy90255 8
Next time if there if is a next time
Keyganator 5
Hey, they don't call it fun sized for nothing! ; )
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Comments (234)
Joshawott 21
Your girlfriend's pretty darn shallow. Get rid of her...perhaps in a shallow grave so it suits her? (Note: the last part was a joke...or was it? xD)
SwtCherryPie 26
Maybe shallow to an extent... but you cant make butter with a toothpick.
skittlesmeep 4
Good luck next time!
A7x4REVer 3
It's not how deep you fish, it's how you wiggle your worm.
sandinthewaves 5
I'm sorry op
williamcarter93 13
Apparently, your penis ain't good enough for her. So if she can laugh at that, there's a chance that a lot of other parts about you aren't good enough either. So either stay with her and see if she'll change her attitude, stay with her and keep going the way you are, or find someone else or ride solo
brandoneyez1 25
Needle stick much lol
AgaveLoco 5
Maybe she forgot her glasses
ceegee415 5
Nice girlfriend. Fyl
cheyennerosi33 0
That blows
eyecon502 13
Sorry buddy, but allergies never go away...