Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
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Top comments
pennies_lane 6
****... I wonder what you do to the alarm clock in the mornings.
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
That's sure a handy way to wake you up
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Comments (118)
tsent8 15
Now that's what I call an alarm **** hahaha
pnutbutternjelly 15
Unless you were in prison that is a completely inappropriate way to react.
AKPILOT 3
Just another reason to hate hand-jobs.
canzonetta 16
Du solltest die mal erklaeren dass es sicherer ist, wenn die dich mit blasen aufwacht ;)
Valiumknights44 12
Why would you instinctively punch someone? Where you recently in prison and had to protect your carnal treasures at all times?
chuckcloninger 12
And who's going to tell him the details?
chippa 24
Because he would question her black eye, durr.
judobuda 2
Lol
Deroni76 5
Cool! I didn't know that humans have instincts to punch whoever was touching their dick!
NutellaCongress 10
I swear to god I read an FML about how a girl wanted to wake her boyfriend up with a ******* but got punched in the face....hmm