Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
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Top comments
pennies_lane 6
****... I wonder what you do to the alarm clock in the mornings.
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
That's sure a handy way to wake you up
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Comments (118)
SavingAngels 0
A girl waking up her boyfriend with a handjob is every guys dream. You ruined it. :(
djgoreo 12
Your girlfriend's father won't forgive you, because you didn't let his daughter give you a full hand job? I like your logic
EyesofStone 27
Are you sure you weren't molested as a child?
chosha_fml 27
How would he find out? Is she going to tell her dad she got punched giving a guy a hand job without his consent? She'd have to be an idiot.
iwadasn 33
I think he's talking about her father finding out that she got punched in the face, not that she tried to give him a handjob.
snafu63 0
It's instinct for you to punch when you get woken up? No offense but that's extremely stupid.
darnellq 13
OP said that because he's a light sleeper and he felt someone touching his dick, that he instinctively punched. Not to instinctively punch when woken up. Come on man, read.
lexiepullen 7
Be glad she forgave you. Quite frankly a lot of girls would be pissed.
RawEndo 1
Lowkey wifebeater
mikeybott 2
Ummm why do you have an instinct for when people touch your dick.
KiddNYC1O 22
At least you didn't thrust your pelvis at her and stabbed her in the eye with your wood.