Today, my mom came in to hug me while I was sleeping, or so I thought. I woke up and tried to hug her back, only to find she had wrapped a tape measure around me. She was trying to measure my bust size to win a bet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Today, I had a dream that my mom hugged me and told me she loved me. I woke up to her banging on my door, barging into my room, inspecting it, and then telling me to “just fucking kill yourself, because you're genuinely a bad person” before slamming my door. My room was perfectly clean and tidy. FML
Today, my mom had me arrested in the most humiliating way ever, in my nightgown, with no bra. She pushed me out her vagina, and now her life. FML
Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML
Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML
Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML
Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Today, I found out my mom sleeps in my room when I'm at college during the week. I discovered this my bumping into her dildo with my foot. FML
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Top comments
Glowworm56 27
Sounds like mom just got busted!
Druu 53
We're waiting..
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Comments (25)
Druu 53
We're waiting..
RinoaHeartilly 36
I think you're missing the point that this is an FML because that shit is creepy and invasive.
Lalala579121 28
There's always one person who takes every joke seriously and ruins everyone else's fun.
jamielusions 19
And you missed the joke
KZ_1536358655 5
boring~
Druu 53
joke [johk] n. something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement, as a witticism, a short and amusing anecdote, or a prankish act
Glowworm56 27
Sounds like mom just got busted!
Talented73 54
So how big are they? LOL
wanted_2_want 40
Plot twist: OP is a guy. With bigger boobs than any of his female friends.
DrowningLessons 19
That's ******* creepy, I would be freaked the **** out, who bets on their daughter's boob size? I wonder how that conversation even started.
arioch_fml 20
It is creepy, but I believe it's son, not daughter in this fml.
worldclassrager 41
A tape measure wouldn't measure your bust properly...but it works...how did she do?
RichardPencil 32
What's the bet? Did your mom win? Did she get good odds, because your goods are odd?
Lobby_Bee 18
Busty Mcgee!!!!
hkaur30056 6
I read rape instead of tape
onceuponatime456 16
Hmmmmmmm, a mother who doesn't know her daughter's bust size??? Somehow I doubt it.
PhoenixChick 26
Not all parents are comfortable with discussing their own bodies, much less their children's blooming sexuality.