Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up by punching me in the balls. It’s OK, I didn’t want kids anyway. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend sleepwalks. Well, I say sleepwalks, more like sleep punches. Very, very hard. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
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Top comments
pennies_lane 6
****... I wonder what you do to the alarm clock in the mornings.
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
That's sure a handy way to wake you up
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Comments (118)
greeneyebeauty9 28
light and abusive sleeper..
xKites 4
Trust me, being a light sleeper has its advantages
AwesomeSkySky 1
Why would she tell her father that she was giving you a hand job?
rocketiquette 20
So this happens to you a lot?
iHeartRKO 5
Prison much??
asherm 15
Just say "sex injury" I'm sure dad probably won't ask further
chellyX92 8
Might make the situation worse.
aerogxt 7
I don't see what the fuss is all about. You got a hand job and she got fisted. Everyone wins, right?
hamusta 13
I'm pretty sure that counts as rape or at least molesting
Sai_Run614 7
This would be a good definition for a new urban dictionary word. The snoozer: your female jacks u off while u sleep and u wake up and acciddntly punch her in the head. You snooze you loose.
ksks1234 33
*You snooze, you lose.
CharresBarkrey 16
*Accidentally... While you're at it. Not to mention all the *you's.
djgoreo 12
78: *** You snooze; you lose. Or: If you snooze, then you lose. Even: You snooze. You lose.
dobbyisfreeeeeee 10
Well at least she's hands-on