Today, my son got really high and shaved the dog with my electric shaver. Not only does the dog look really bad, I didn't know my son used drugs. I now have to buy the dog a sweater and get my son some help. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML
Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML
Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML
Today, my junkie son came to the house showered, in clean clothes, with sobriety chips from NA, full of apologies, and we had a good cry about his recovery. I went to the kitchen for tissues, for less than a minute, but when I got back he’d stolen my purse, television, and spare change jar with about £75 in it. FML
Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML
Today, our dog died suddenly, so I paid for tests to find out why. Turns out she had zero blood sugar, like a diabetic who overdosed on insulin. I’m diabetic and I’m always telling my 6 year-old son it’s medicine to make daddy better. The dog was sick yesterday, and my son knows how I inject. Damn. FML
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Top comments
Glitterhinoceros 14
Dont crush his dream of becoming a dog groomer. I bet he did a lovely job and your just overreacting.
ChaPStikkWhoRe 0
The dog probably peer pressured your son into getting high and then shaving him!
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Comments (265)
ZeDolphinator 7
Pics or it didn't happen.
kings1fan 6
2 for 1 special!
IAmNotAnAnimal 9
Did you get the dog a striped sweater?
superficialheart 11
Or A turtle neck sweater?
gladstone123 5
3 for 1! Op needs a new shaver!
tpm45 25
At least you have an excuse to dress your dog, OP. I'd call that a win.
ScarletBloom 14
The dog didn't retaliate? Send me a picture of your shaved dog. Im curious.
BaconDave 12
Why hello Buzz Killington
Savra_fml 17
Just look between your legs. Will look something like that.
Ins0mau 20
No 29 Savra, that's a pussy cat.
2wenty0ne21 0
What was wrong with this comment?
white16sox 19
134 because it seems like 4 is insinuating OP is lying.
False_Stupidity 42
Nah, she's just curious to see what a badly shaved dog looks like... So am I to be honest.
ChaPStikkWhoRe 0
The dog probably peer pressured your son into getting high and then shaving him!
superficialheart 11
I could see where you got that idea, if I was also on drugs.
NEEPLES 7
Well I'm always on drugs and that seems to make perfect sense.
creampie18 5
Your a ******* idiot, quit trying to be funny... your NOT!
iam_yummylicious 12
You're an idiot. Quit trying to be funny... You're not!!! **** < shuld tri tiping mo intlgnt lke wen callng sumdy an idiot u fking mo-ron.
Nerry_fml 0
56, you know...you probably could have corrected him without looking like a douchebag. Just sayin.
superficialheart 11
But where's the fun in that?
superficialheart 11
Also, nice tat.
iam_yummylicious 12
...but I am douche?
leadman1989 16
How come all the really awesome people live so far away and all the not so awesome people live really close? Example 65 not so awesome 67 awesome :D
DerpyHooves 0
Damn dog!
Glitterhinoceros 14
Dont crush his dream of becoming a dog groomer. I bet he did a lovely job and your just overreacting.
starsfan_9 7
Yeah and like any artist, he needed some "inspiration"
infaith 5
you made my day...
jonn090 13
Glitter pretttyyy let's have fun in moral son and ecstasy you and me
JustinThunder 8
That sucks hard. Hope your son gets help.
2wenty0ne21 0
He doesn't need help he's just immature
Sub_Zero_is_God 13
knowing is half the battle. OP
dustyb72 2
Go Joe!
2wenty0ne21 0
What battle? There is no battle only assholes trying to tell people what they can or cannot do
ThreeSheetsGone 12
OP's son was made because the dog ate his stash.
ikickgingers 15
G I Joe, ftw
jwade11 12
Haha ya right lol
perdix 31
I'll bet the dog looks adorable in the sweater. You know what would be even cuter? A dog in a sweater smoking a pipe! You could steal your son's. Besides shaving the dog, was he also trying to teach it to walk backwards?
loroxe 6
Perdix you never disappoint me
Miss_Attitude96 24
Poor dog! Your son's an idiot.
DropBearHunter 8
Are you sure? He may be an eccentric genius in disguise.
SadinSherman 16
He is disguising his genius very well.