Today, my son got really high and shaved the dog with my electric shaver. Not only does the dog look really bad, I didn't know my son used drugs. I now have to buy the dog a sweater and get my son some help. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad finally used the electric shaver I bought him for Christmas. My dog now has bald patches. FML
Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML
Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML
Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML
Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML
Today, my junkie son came to the house showered, in clean clothes, with sobriety chips from NA, full of apologies, and we had a good cry about his recovery. I went to the kitchen for tissues, for less than a minute, but when I got back he’d stolen my purse, television, and spare change jar with about £75 in it. FML
Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML
Today, our dog died suddenly, so I paid for tests to find out why. Turns out she had zero blood sugar, like a diabetic who overdosed on insulin. I’m diabetic and I’m always telling my 6 year-old son it’s medicine to make daddy better. The dog was sick yesterday, and my son knows how I inject. Damn. FML
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Top comments
Glitterhinoceros 14
Dont crush his dream of becoming a dog groomer. I bet he did a lovely job and your just overreacting.
ChaPStikkWhoRe 0
The dog probably peer pressured your son into getting high and then shaving him!
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Comments (265)
SkardeyKat 3
That must have been some good shit!!
obviousboy 8
The problem isn't getting high. It's getting high and doing dumb shit.
zombicidal 11
he's got to give up the toad now
Ray_of_midnight 23
I was gonna groom the dog, but then I got high Comb his coat, and clip his claws, but then I got high Now my dog is bald, and I know why Because I got high, because I got high, because I got high
j_cat187 20
Haha representing Palmdale
arkid24 1
Pretty much all teenagers use drugs now. Absolutely everyone except about 2 people i went to highschool with were on drugs
mojobanks 8
The decline of western civilization summed up perfectly.
jaredofmo 22
Welcome to the joys of parenthood.
awkwardaredevil 5
Get you're son a sweater too. Make it a turtleneck. They always make everything better.
Ray_of_midnight 23
I don't smoke weed. However, I believe the worst thing about pot is that it's illegal, and the worst consequences that will come from consuming it in moderation are legal ones. Someone with a drug conviction on his record will find it hard to get some kinds of jobs, a security clearance, etc. The problem with doing stupid shit while high, is that doing stupid shit tends to attract the attention of the po-po, whose job it generally is to keep peoples' stupid shit from being a nuisance to others. Once you've attracted their attention, they'll inevitably find out you have weed and you go to jail. Unfortunately the concept of "drastic lifelong negative consequences" doesn't really register on young people, because they haven't evolved that sort of long-range planning capability yet. It's not a moral failing; it's just their nature. At best they have a vague idea of what they might want to do when they get out of college. The concept of not being able to get a job when they're 45 because of some stupid shit they did when they were 19 doesn't really register. I wish they'd just legalize it already, so we could stop wasting the taxpayers' time and money on arresting and jailing people for smoking pot.
FUCKNAMESBREH 0
AMEN!
Cmdr_Shepard 17
Seriously, pot isn't even a big deal and our criminal justice system is a ******* joke when it comes to drugs. In my area, counties are talking about building new jails because all the old ones are jam-packed. Why? Because if you get caught with even a tiny amount of weed, the dumbass judges here will throw your ass in jail, no ifs, ands, or buts. It's all the drug offenders that are clogging the jails and trials but our local (and probably national) justice system is too ******* stupid to do anything else.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Remember that a lot of our prisons are privately-run, for-profit institutions. Gotta keep those guys in business and happy. :-/
bmpro 0
There we go.. already the stoners who pretend not to smoke weed but is for legalization. I get really tired of this propaganda going around about weed not being a big deal and all. I think it's a terrible drug: you end up having so many social issues and your mind gets all messed up and you start getting very angry when you don't have it, you drop out of school, addiction that even rehab may not be able to fix... If you hate your life, fix it, don't use drugs. Using drugs is only gonna make your life worse :)
leadman1989 16
Ther are countries where it's legal and NOMTHING of which you speak is a problem! Plus ALCOHOL is legal, and it cause a lot more harm than weed does... aren't you people supposed to be for freedom and person liberty?
taazer 12
Make it a pink sweater, that says: bad hair day :D
lolapple 0
2 birds one stone lol