Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML
Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML
Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML
Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML
Today, my kid's dad grumbled and complained about having to help me out buying clothes for him, because he was sure he just gave me money for clothes last year. I thought it would be fairly obvious that a 4 year-old would eventually need bigger clothes to accommodate the fact they are still growing. FML
Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML
Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML
Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML
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Top comments
honeycutt8729 8
Hilarious
SoSickWithIt 14
..What is that mysterious ticking noise? ..Snape. ..Snape... Severus Snape. ..Harry Potter, Harry Potter! :D
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Comments (645)
alexamarie11 4
I actually love this!
Sexy_Cat_MD 8
I don't get what's the problem. Hahaha I love Harry Potter and it sounded like she said something really funny. Besides she doesn't need new clothes every year unless she's still small and growing. And OP probably just meant that she bought her them as a reward for behaving properly and doing her chores. Ugh people seriously bitch about nothing.
shunshunrikka89 0
Huh, that's funny. Sounds like you just bitched about a whole lot of nothing.
jonn090 13
Can I date your daughter???
j_cat187 20
This ain't no E Harmony! *checks age*. The **** is wrong with you!?
white16sox 19
I'm pretty sure that's rape.
xStaciexLynnx 15
Actually it's a pedophile, not rape.
kylelove 8
Hahahahahahahaha, that is the greatest FML I've EVER read xD
pu_ccca19 10
You have an awesome daughter
gloria89108 1
After several YEARS of chores you buy her 1 pair of jeans ?? Am I reading this wrong ??
Linaelle 14
Yes you are.
oppawoppa 9
I agree...You finally bought her jeans? I go on shopping sprees practically every weekend she's a teenage girl we live, die, and breathe clothes!
PandaPandamoneum 0
Isn't that dangerous to breathe clothes?? O.O
Sidel 11
Not every teenage girl lives for clothes and shopping... I hate shopping. Besides, I think this pair of jeans were a special, expensive pair that she got as a reward.
Helenarth 6
Not every teenage girl is that shallow. Also, not every teenage girl has the kind of money to use on "shopping sprees".
iSpasticFantasti 14
I know it's been said before but as a teenage girl I would just like to seperate myself from this weird "breathing" clothes thing... When it come to shopping I neither have enough money nor much desire. But! Just went to Brisbane with 100 dollars and was told to spend it all, so I came home with a bag of books. :)
jetaimehannah 6
They had better be Miss Me.. (;
Feartheunknown 4
Your daughter has an amazing sense of humor, this is not an FML it's more like a blessing.. Bahaha
abzz90 2
Two things i learnt from this fml 1. Your daughter has a great sense of humour. 2. Buy your daughter more clothes lmao