Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML
Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML
Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML
Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML
Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML
Today, my kid's dad grumbled and complained about having to help me out buying clothes for him, because he was sure he just gave me money for clothes last year. I thought it would be fairly obvious that a 4 year-old would eventually need bigger clothes to accommodate the fact they are still growing. FML
Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML
Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML
Today, my 17-year-old employee accidentally called me "Dad". We all got a good laugh from it and went on with our days. Later, after getting her some coins for her cash drawer, she playfully said, "Thanks, Daddy." The customer she was serving? My wife. FML
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Top comments
honeycutt8729 8
Hilarious
SoSickWithIt 14
..What is that mysterious ticking noise? ..Snape. ..Snape... Severus Snape. ..Harry Potter, Harry Potter! :D
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Comments (645)
MrsAlexander83 10
Now that is pretty stinkin funny!! I actually had to read that out loud to someone else!!
Mischief109 11
Your daughter is my new best friend.. Just saying
eddybaur 8
Lmao! That's awesome
savyk2014 6
It took several years of work for you to buy her one pair of jeans?! YDI because of the awful parenting!
THE_A_TEEN 28
Read the FML right, Dumbass. The jeans were a special gift to her daughter because of all the help she did. There is no reference of abuse or parental neglect or any sign of bad parenting on this FML. Do you really expect the FML/VDM moderators to publish a FML from an abusive parent's point of view?
Epsilonyx 15
But there's nothing that would suggest the opposite either, haha. This is a badly worded submission in general.
THE_A_TEEN 28
I blame the French-to-English translator for this FML.
Fangsnuzzles 8
This isn't an FML. You should be proud of your daughter for loving such literature!
claudzzzz 5
hahaha
Mattsta123 5
It took you that long to give her clothes? Terrible parent
ohreallynow1992 3
That is hilarious!!!!! Not FML at all :D
gman2442 1
Throw her back under the stairs..
groupleader 7
Free? Hell put her on ebay, bet she's priceless.....or worthless...