Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
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Top comments
Wheredidgrungego 12
Oh I've seen this movie!! ....Pornhub right?
StormGirl142 24
I think you accidentally a few words.
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Comments (285)
bighood24 17
Wow of all things to say, that is in the top 5 of what NOT to say to your mom with your dick in your hand
failmaster069 7
What's the other 4?
bighood24 17
I'm gonna guess asking for her help, and saying it's to gay **** are in that list
j_cat187 20
2more?
immaMonsta 8
"Today, I caught my son/daughter masturbating. I didn't want to make the situation any more awkward, so I tried to leave quickly. Then my son/daughter blurted out, 'Oh, I was just thinking about you!' FML."
perdix 31
Well, buddy, you just guaranteed yourself many visits to a psychiatrist. . . Or some very forbidden sex, depending on how your mom handled your announcement. This is a lose-lose-lose situation, except maybe for the psychiatrist or TMZ.
zebralover23 14
That would be creepy..
cjg2013 0
and your hot. eyes might be fake. but still beautiful!
roadie143 0
thats nasty
taerts 9
Of all the different things you could've said...
Dajucy1 7
Honestly, he shouldn't have said anything
Zomg_Okay 27
There are just some times when not even a facepalm is enough...
OffToTheGayBar 9
Headdesk?
fishface517 10
Well... It's better than seeing both your parents masturbating.... That is never fun trust me.
pagullarka 9
Sounds like experience talking
Marteeny23 19
That sounds like it would scar your soul.
Benji55 1
So you want your mother. Tell your dad to watch out I sure your getting ready to go Oedipus on him
C94_ 0
pathetic yet funny