Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML
Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
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Top comments
Wheredidgrungego 12
Oh I've seen this movie!! ....Pornhub right?
StormGirl142 24
I think you accidentally a few words.
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Comments (285)
awagh666 14
Seems like somebody's watching too much MILF ****...
mountainlion36 0
lmfaoooo!
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
Blasphemy! There is no such thing as TOO much MILF ****!
yuggi1 11
Start masturbating at midnight.
onlychildFTW 34
Bad idea. What if it's his birthday and his parents come in to be the first I wish him a happy b-day? (Old FML reference)
yuggi1 11
Then at 11PM, specifically.
smallsmerry123 5
Happy early birthday?
Skyanne 11
Oedipus Complex, anyone?
Wheredidgrungego 12
YOU MARRIED YOUR MOM?!?! Oh Oedipus :(
Skyanne 11
...I hope the OP didn't kill his Dad, too.
NAU_future 7
Guess OP took his psychology class too seriously.
lilyisme1324 0
Wow......smooth move you just tried to make it not awkward? Ya no sounds like you did the opposite
coried91 28
Seriously?!?!
hippyhater3000 4
dude... really?
poor_gurll1198 17
No shit...
jadefrankfurter 0
Haha those are some smooth words. ^_^
ItsTheKing 10
Lock the door man. It's the only way to be safe.
Nuttyicecream 2
She will then start stroking it for you as a means to show she cares you were thinking about her (: Good idea OP
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
Why you sick, sick little moo cow. I think I might kill you tonight.
DocBastard 40
You successfully defused the awkward tension and transformed it into horrible disgustingness.
shortvirgo13 7
Lmao
PimpinIceCold 0
You are a ******* dumbass **** ball
anniekins 6
Dinner might be awkward tonight.
bighood24 17
He's gonna be masturbating at the table, I don't want any of that special dressing
angrymexican 8
"What sounds like someone is banging on the table?"