Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML
Today, I was talking to myself in the shower, pretending I was Oprah. After I got out, my little brother asked if I was singing in the bathroom. I almost said no, but admitting to singing seemed a lot less embarrassing. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML
Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML
Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey, except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I was singing in the shower and my neighbor called the police because they thought I was in trouble. FML
Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML
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Top comments
chris_lillo 15
Would you rather her know the truth?
wanted_2_want 40
So you were trying to choke the chicken but were squeaking like a mouse.
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Comments (16)
chris_lillo 15
Would you rather her know the truth?
wanted_2_want 40
So you were trying to choke the chicken but were squeaking like a mouse.
lexos 16
Why would that be a bad thing?
Charlie Given 28
Damn what we're ya doing beating it to death🤣🤣
RichardPencil 32
Don’t you do both? I have a friend who says when he jerks it in the shower, he belts out a medley of “Dancing with Myself,” “The Reflex,” and “I Touch Myself.”
PorchKitty 16
"a friend"
Ed Munson 14
Yes, that's a lot of detail about "a friend"!
RichardPencil 32
It was indeed my friend! I always tell the truth, I honestly do.
Davros 12
Hey it's his penis and he can wash it as fast as he wants.
julfunky 29
You get a more thorough wash with a vigorous rub.
Mungolikecandy 19
Lassie? (name that film).
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
I think you're better of like this...
wHSKitty 11
How are we so sure OP is a guy?
_Hakuna_Matata_ 12
Now that's a new trick i haven't heard of before lol