Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom came in my bedroom without knocking, even though I'd told her to, and caught me masturbating. She stood there in awkward silence before saying, "…Dinner's ready at 6." and left. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom masturbating. I want to run away. I feel violated. FML
Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my mom opens at McDonald's, and I go with her to chill before walking to the bus stop. The lobby was closed. I had to shit so bad, I was knocking on the door, and usually they let me in, but nobody noticed. I had to shit so incredibly bad. so… I went into the car and found an old McDonald's cup and some napkins… FML
Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
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Top comments
SkoomaKi 28
You should have finished like a man in front of her. What's even more awkward is that she stared. Incest?
sparklemuffin 8
lol what a win
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Comments (319)
sparklemuffin 8
lol what a win
21jason 9
Did you tell her to get extra napkins???
ttttttyyy 0
Ask for a hot cherry pie! XD
VenomSiphon 13
Anything with jerk seasoning.
Tektite 14
You don't lock the door? Or do it somewhere you wouldn't get caught.. Now you have to live with that embarrassment. Ya kinda deserve it.
ElricMustang 23
1) Your icon is a win. In other news, yeah, get a burger, and make sure she picks up extra napkins.
AFloppyWetWhale 6
So true. This guy is so lucky to have a chill mom like that I mean, looking away and asking would have been better but still
Faelwyn 3
Should have recited the entire McDonald's drive-through rap. With any luck, she'll clue in and provide you with a beat.
ClassyCommando 13
"We be up in this drive-thru Order for two I got a craving for a number nine like my shoe!"
ladyLALAA 29
McChicken extra sauce, cheese and bacon on the burger!
wannaplay 1
I guess you want a "Big Mac"
fencer49 0
Incest is wincest
cayytee 0
did you ask for extra big mac sauce?
HeartOfLead 24
Nah, he probably didn't have to...
RacerX1695 1
97: Seeing as how he was already beating off, he probably didn't need another… especially from his mother.
ladyLALAA 29
230, I was both disturbed and entertained by your comment, kudos.
nado13579 12
Double patty! (Gosh, we sound like such fatasses here. XD ) 1- So is your icon FTW. Fullmetal Alchemist is the best! :D
yoyoforpeace 14
Cool story bro. What did you get from McDonald's?
jweezy89 4
This really sounds like the beginning of an incest porno.
tjv3 10
Should have said "Did someone say Mclovin?"
SkoomaKi 28
You should have finished like a man in front of her. What's even more awkward is that she stared. Incest?
Kazakuya 3
Wincest?
missL1z 5
She was probably just in utter shock thus the staring. Why are you saying incest? Very imaginative but you're ridiculous.
SkoomaKi 28
Honestly? Put yourself in the mum's position. You wouldn't stand there and keep staring even if you were in shock, you'd close the door and go.
jePomme 0
Everybody reacts differently to things. She could have been just trying to figure out what to do.
ttttttyyy 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
DERP!
SeniorPickleBunz 0
I made an account just so I could thumb up your comment...
SkoomaKi 28
Congratulations on your first comment!
KendratheUnicorn 0
I agree with SkoomaKi. Why the hell would you just stare?
derkster 6
It's yerp
Buzzsaw98 0
I also just made an account to thumb up your comment
death_prevails 6
Anyone ever heard of "rabbit caught in headlights"? No?
alisidewinder 9
No I've heard of a DEER caught in headlights, wtf does a rabbit do?
ShyAnn29 15
Have you never been caught in a situation where you didn't know what to do?
hurtandabused 7
Omg thank you for putting that!!!! I'm soo glad someone corrected them. That way they don't say it in another situation n look bad. Now hopefully they will look boss when they use that old expression
monkeyhead641 6
Deer deer deer
bfsd42 20
Rabbit in the headlights is an equally valid saying.
PinkElephants713 6
Is it bad that my first thought was, "Big Mac for compensation" … if of course that even makes sense out of my own mind… :P
racinghart09 4
Should have finished... like a boss.
mindi 3
Id agree with #2...thats one freaky mom...id be scared.
ErickM123 3
hahaha dude i did the same thing
cutechick2000 0
It's deer caught in headlights not rabbit, sorry but its true...
llamafish 25
Did you finish afterward?
ariannaimelda 7
Nothing like the image of Ronald McDonald to really get you going!
stephan18 23
If he did finish.. It would make this FML even weirder.
coldashell 23
How the hell could you finish after that?
btstig 11
You could finish with Jill.
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
please tell me you said milkshakes OP. ohh before you thumbs me down its bad joke sunday.(which in case you didnt know is every sunday)
llamafish 25
Oh no worries man. There are plenty of other reasons to thumb you down as well.
ttttttyyy 0
Ouch...
FMMFL1992 3
Ima let you finish, but first, "what would you like from McDonalds?"
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
168 just so you know im usually alot more funny (god i can already tell this will end badly) then this but the bad jole sunday thing is kind of a long story
Syntax_fml 4
Oh god my grammar nazi mind just tried to brbsucide reading your comment, @188.
kayla_ann0o 9
At least she didn't come in as he was finishing.....
Yodaevil 4
You just slow down to first gear to keep the motor running, and ask for a big Mac, no special sauce!
bigboto808 0
lol
ebonyirony 29
I thought of the scene in We Need to Talk about Kevin
Andr913 13
I'm so glad I wasn't the only person who did. What a great book/movie. It pretty much reaffirmed why I hate children.
ebonyirony 29
It was a clever concept. And yeah. I'm not a fan of kids either.
MeesterMatt 3
Not sayjng that im a creepy person for creeping your account and stuff but dont u think your kinda askin for old man dick pics by posting ur cell number just sayin....
OHai15 12
never heard of that movie but you made me want to look in to it. seems pretty cool. thanks
wastingtimeonFML 7
I did too!
DontClickOnMe 28
When will people learn to lock their doors and to knock. I hope you stopped playing with yourself though while you two stared at each other.
dragonstrike94 8
Or finish like a pro
FMLCat2001 4
Some people don't have locks, but I agree with you. :P poor OP.
petraphotoDOTca 6
locked door, middle of the day? might as well as just post it as your fb status. ps. McD's afterwards? .*sings* Ameriiiican Liiiiife
turtlegrl66 11
I wanna like the second part of what you said and dislike the first. I've lived in twenty houses and none had locks so far. If OP is renting, they may not be allowed to install locks in doors.
Aug1508 9
Way to play it off mom! Stinks it was kind of awkward though.
escapedfromexico 0
u should habr said quarter pounder with cheese then asked her to leave so u can finish
Jordan740 6
I'm guessing he typed it with 1 foot....and half a brain
superswagbro 7
29- yep he was jerking off.
escapedfromexico 0
as a matter of fact yes I only have one arm. sorry for misspelling ONE word
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Do you really only have one arm?
PurpleCabbage 1
Yo no hablo retardo.
kcutie 0
I wanna know too. Seriously dude.. Do u really have just one hand? No joke. Tell us
coolboy675 16
Actually, he was typing with his moobs
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
No, he was busy escaping Mexico, until he had a sudden urge to go on his phone to type in this ridiculous comment...
aleagator 10
dafuq did I just read
Nutty4Muffs 3
If it was up to the FML community, she should've joined in with you. Be glad we're not a part of your daily life.
21jason 9
If it was Like the **** videos the mom and sister would have joined
21jason 9
The awkward stare down. who caves in first
Ruffclue 9
When words are not enough the eyes can say alot.
aKaClickZ 4
So can the hand on the penis
HeartOfLead 24
Hmm, having a stare competition with your mom while masterbating? Quite the multitasker!
prncssevlbunny 4
I bet you'll never do that while she's home again. She won that battle.