Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, I was out for a jog when I saw my ex-boyfriend walking towards me. I tried to duck behind a tree to avoid him, but I slipped on a plastic bag and fell into a lovely patch of mud. He saw the whole thing and walked away smirking. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, I went for a run. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he said, "You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML
Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML
Today, I went for a jog to enjoy the fall weather. I tripped over a tree root and fell face-first into a pile of leaves. As I tried to get up, a bunch of kids had gathered to laugh, and one even shouted something about, “A grown-ass man playing in the leaves!” FML
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Top comments
lolajelly 0
why the hell would you use a leaf? tempted by their amazing absorbent properties??
stephfml 0
hahah you shouldve just used your shirt
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Comments (81)
Boom_Headshot 0
who the **** wipes their face with a leaf
fish1806 0
you TOTALLY deserved it!!!
big22 0
wutt a dumb ass
Jimmy_fml 0
PWNED
Jimmy_fml 0
I would of laughed about it then wiped it off of you.
DaMiz511 0
So many things wrong with this post. "untractively" and "discretly" are not words, birds don't wipe, and like #8 said, leaves do not wick moisture as well as about a million other things you could have grabbed. FAIL in general.
mstahitisweeti 0
your probably all ugly and pimply. who WIPES THEIR FACE WITH A LEAF?! are you ASKING for pimples? you just asked for that one. your so stupid.
KimberlyAngelaaa 0
i literally laughed out loud... this was greaatt. i was in spain with my friend and she was holding onto a railing in a park and she looked at her hand and there was bird poop alll over it she was freaking out good luckk with that guy!
stringbeanjeanoo 0
ive been a runner for like 8 yrs; i run over 2 hours a day, and sweat a lot. i would imagine you never run if you grab for a leaf to wipe your sweat. my 1st date with my BF was running (his roomie told him he should invite me to do something i like) i didnt have to worry about sweating because after a couple miles he was DONE. and it was so cute. but seriously... leaves arent known for their absorbency...
urrka 0
that's what happens when you run. you get sweaty.