Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, I was out for a jog when I saw my ex-boyfriend walking towards me. I tried to duck behind a tree to avoid him, but I slipped on a plastic bag and fell into a lovely patch of mud. He saw the whole thing and walked away smirking. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, I went for a run. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he said, "You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML
Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML
Today, I went for a jog to enjoy the fall weather. I tripped over a tree root and fell face-first into a pile of leaves. As I tried to get up, a bunch of kids had gathered to laugh, and one even shouted something about, “A grown-ass man playing in the leaves!” FML
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Top comments
lolajelly 0
why the hell would you use a leaf? tempted by their amazing absorbent properties??
stephfml 0
hahah you shouldve just used your shirt
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Comments (81)
redhawktjk77 0
I totally Agree with #43. You were running, of course you are going to sweat!
MonkeySpeaks 4
Don't you know guys like a girl who works out and tries to stay healthy? You just ran.... im guessing he would expect you to be sweaty. Next time, don't be so vain
zebendyone 0
Agreed, #45. I believe you should have expected to sweat if you were running. Don't be superficial.
spongebobrocks 0
LOL A LEAF. Smooth. Oh and next time, I suggest you do something else with the cute guy. Just saying. xD
beardsnbicycles7 0
I'd choose sweat over poop any day.
SilverBallet 0
What? You sweat when you run? What kind of a freak are you? And a leaf. I know it's been said many times, but really? In some cultures, it's good luck if bird feces lands on your head, but that's just taking it a little too far, don'cha think?
Heatstreak 0
lol sometimes girls look hot when they sweat
youareindeepshit 0
Haha... a leaf... haha. Seriously, even tree-huggers have more common sense.
tincan 0
I'm really sorry but I laughed soooo hard at this. Thanks for making my day. ^^; Better double check next time!
Fox01v 0
honestly who uses a leaf to wipe off sweat