Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML
Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML
Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML
Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML
Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML
Today, we spent the day with my grandmother. During a family conversation, my sweet little grandmother looked me up and down, and without any hesitation said, "I remember you being so beautiful," before looking at my mother, mouthing, "What happened?" and laughing. She's 87. FML
Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year-old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML
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Top comments
lolajelly 0
LMAO i just want to keep up the pattern of starting the comments with LMAO
dang_fml 0
LMAO! smart kid
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Comments (99)
dang_fml 0
LMAO! smart kid
Ninja666_fml 0
completely agree with 1
TrollHunter 0
hahaha I like ******* children
aulds 0
agree with 1
Person000 0
LMAO agree with 1
Chris968 0
LMAO that is the best thing I ever heard. What did you grandma say to that?
brittanyrmh_ 12
She probably had an aneurysm right there and then
dwights 0
LMAO! had to start it the same way the last 2 people did. but ya smart kid. she will be very smart by the time shes your age ;) wow jk that was bad ahaha :P
ryguy1997 0
no 9 years=grade 4 they know more than you think. some grade threes around here watch ****. o_0 LOLZ creppy...
gangstaco_ol 3
I started watching **** in grade 5, I was young so didn't really have the good **** sites, so I just checked out scenes from YouTube :p I started actually jacking off to them in grade 9 , didnt know about jacking off before then, had never tried it haha
lolajelly 0
LMAO i just want to keep up the pattern of starting the comments with LMAO
evan_789 7
LMAO this is fun lolz.
MassiDelta 28
LMAO
ashleyyy_08 0
hahahaha...i definitley had no idea what that meant when i was 9
Sleep_EyEs16 0
you broke the chain
mahimalil 0
y did u break the chain !!!! :_( :_( :_(
revanche 2
CCCCCOmbo breaker
neonoodle 0
where do kids learn these things?
lolol182 4
thats what you get for showing your cousin ****?
epictothemax 0
lol my grandma about had a heart attack and my cousin was yelled at for a while. turns out she walked in on her babysitter going down on her boyfriend and put 2 and 2 together. it was really really bad
Assmilk 0
What's your cousin's number?
katiedoll6 7
PERVERT
Jf770 10
You sick bastard
tzemmy 25
thats just wrong to ask
crudeandrudeguy 29
What'd ya expect from a guy called assmilk?!?!
Ivy_fml 0
wow, I bet your cousin was traumatized, what kind of babysitter has sex while working, gosh. was she fired? lmao
XxTooCoolxX 0
What the **** does this comment have to do with anyhthing OP is saying?