Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, I was out for a jog when I saw my ex-boyfriend walking towards me. I tried to duck behind a tree to avoid him, but I slipped on a plastic bag and fell into a lovely patch of mud. He saw the whole thing and walked away smirking. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, I went for a run. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he said, "You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML
Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML
Today, I went for a jog to enjoy the fall weather. I tripped over a tree root and fell face-first into a pile of leaves. As I tried to get up, a bunch of kids had gathered to laugh, and one even shouted something about, “A grown-ass man playing in the leaves!” FML
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Top comments
lolajelly 0
why the hell would you use a leaf? tempted by their amazing absorbent properties??
stephfml 0
hahah you shouldve just used your shirt
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Comments (81)
Jonny_fml 0
Hahahaahhahah!
Amkii 0
Be happy it wasn't poison Oak or Ivy!!
MehrunesDagon456 20
I read that as Professor Oak and Ivy. Too much pokemon..
stephfml 0
hahah you shouldve just used your shirt
may_cause_fail 0
Silly, birds don't wipe their asses. Also, did you not expect to get sweaty on a run? Come on now.
not1 0
hahaha, i actually laughed reading that. smooooth!
mhwang 0
LOL, yeah i agree with 4. Why didn't you just use your shirt?
lolajelly 0
why the hell would you use a leaf? tempted by their amazing absorbent properties??
dotmyg0t 0
Yeah, she is ******* stupid. YDI.
chinchilla_fml 0
Hahaha #8!!! I was thinking the same thing.
LovesickMelody 0
@ 3 I seriously thought it was going to be Poison Oak!
fml0rjs 0
[sarcasm] My goodness. Girl's sweat? Well now that I know this, I'm not sure I will ever find a woman I could be with. Every time they sweat I will just be repulsed. Any girl who sweats should just give up on finding a man. [/sarcasm]