Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear fit, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just as a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML
Today, I was out for a jog when I saw my ex-boyfriend walking towards me. I tried to duck behind a tree to avoid him, but I slipped on a plastic bag and fell into a lovely patch of mud. He saw the whole thing and walked away smirking. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, I went for a run. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he said, "You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML
Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML
Today, I went for a jog to enjoy the fall weather. I tripped over a tree root and fell face-first into a pile of leaves. As I tried to get up, a bunch of kids had gathered to laugh, and one even shouted something about, “A grown-ass man playing in the leaves!” FML
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Top comments
lolajelly 0
why the hell would you use a leaf? tempted by their amazing absorbent properties??
stephfml 0
hahah you shouldve just used your shirt
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Comments (81)
lifepwns 0
Wow are you that worried about your appearance? You guys were running, its not like he wasn't sweating either. I'm sure he wouldn't have thought less of you cause you were sweating while running... Heaven forbid! #53 LOL
MothaTrucka 0
wow....a ******* leaf?????
Lanni 0
High score for the retard
key_killer 0
using a leaf and spelling the story incorrectly...I'm impressed...
legendbyday 0
leaf? to wipe your sweat? yeah right? you and the bird's ass might have the same IQ
FoundManyLemons 0
Seriously, people sweat when they run, even that guy. And you know this!
5pawn13 0
This may surprise you but a lot of men like seeing women sweat (I assume you are a woman). As long as it doesn't reek, where if you're running he wouldnt be able to smell it easilly anyway.
nafiul93 0
#23 PROPS made me laff
carmel 0
What? Who wipes their face with a leaf? That wouldn't even help the sweat anyway but hahahahaha! that's hilarious! Why wouldn't you look at the leaf before you wiped your face with it?
Eaglestrike117 29
Didn't think birds wiped after they were done... Haha it obviously just crapped on the leaf.