Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm, and cause cancer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML
Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML
Today, my daughter asked me for permission to go to her boyfriend’s studio apartment without any supervision to “watch a soccer game and eat pizza.” I said no because she thinks I was born yesterday. She proceeded to throw a tantrum and told me that she hopes my breast cancer kills me. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to stop her preschooler from playing in the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner. She bitched about how I'm "controlling and micromanaging". As she did so, he put his hands on the hot oven and screamed in pain. She then shrieked that it was my fault he hurt himself. FML
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Top comments
alaskababy907 11
Hey, I heard that if you stand too close to the microwave you can get cancer from the radiation in those things. You should probably stay away from them...
thatgirlinoregon 21
I wonder how much 'kimotherapy' costs? Less than chemotherapy, perhaps?
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Comments (104)
anettes 7
haha, well. apperantly you can get cancer from basically everything today so.
HeyImAmy 20
It's true. NO! NOT the sperm killing part! If you stand too close to the microwave, you CAN get cancer from too much of that radiation. My mom tells me to step back too. You need to believe her or you could get cancer that, if it becomes bad enough, could kill you.
iamyourgod 3
Oh, your mom said that. Well I guess she knows more than physicists, it must be true.
katjane 7
My mum does that too, apparently radiation can cause cancer if you are exposed to too much of it. I don't know about killing sperm though...
kei1108 13
Well, over a lot of time, the cancer thing might be true... But she shouldn't yell at you!
disney_blonde 16
How far down is the microwave that it's sperm level?
1crabbygirl 10
Well, it could be under-counter as specified by the Americans with Disabilities Act, and therefore at ball level.
momoslife 3
It's true... I threw out our microwave years ago. They're so bad for youz
iamyourgod 3
Have you heard of this new radiation? It's apparently many, many times more energetic than mircowaves. Scientists like to call it "green." Apparently it's all comes emits from all kinds of places including trees. You should go cut all of those down. Green is so, so bad for youz. And don't even get me started on purple radiation.
itsgonnahappento 11
It's funny because microwave waves are less harmful than visible light. If anything visible light will give you cancer faster than microwave radiation. Haha
kp4294 2
There is actually some truth to what she said.
Travis95_fml 8
Your mom is not the brightest.
charliethom 0
She's. Right