Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm, and cause cancer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML
Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML
Today, my daughter asked me for permission to go to her boyfriend’s studio apartment without any supervision to “watch a soccer game and eat pizza.” I said no because she thinks I was born yesterday. She proceeded to throw a tantrum and told me that she hopes my breast cancer kills me. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to stop her preschooler from playing in the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner. She bitched about how I'm "controlling and micromanaging". As she did so, he put his hands on the hot oven and screamed in pain. She then shrieked that it was my fault he hurt himself. FML
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Top comments
alaskababy907 11
Hey, I heard that if you stand too close to the microwave you can get cancer from the radiation in those things. You should probably stay away from them...
thatgirlinoregon 21
I wonder how much 'kimotherapy' costs? Less than chemotherapy, perhaps?
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Comments (104)
Fmlsea 28
Listen to ur mum, mums know everything Bahaha
iseyixes 18
Only true if you own a microwave from when they were first invented, since then they've really stepped up the radiation protection.
iamyourgod 3
No they haven't. Microwaves aren't dangerous, your cellphone is emitting them right now. If you were getting enough to cause harm you would feel painful heat before any damage occurred and that damage would be only burns. Microwaves are non ionizing, unlike UV, X-ray an gamma which can ionize atoms in your DNA and cause cancer. If microwaves are dangerous, light bulbs would be death rays.
iamyourgod 3
*bulbs
ThecomingofTan 9
You should have told her that the only reason you were standing so close was because you have a 'thing' for the microwave and wanted to take it to the next level.
meruu_2005 1
What Dosnt kill you only makes you stronger
5HT2A 5
Except cancer and other deadly diseases...
slappinGoodtimes 0
36 - will you make me stronger?
KidJase 1
Shes right, now you dont want ball cancer now do you?
Shicky_fml 0
Im sure you mean testicular cancer? Lol OCD!
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
That sounds more like Dr singopopolis's super satanic ultra death machine than a microwave.....
GoW_Chick 15
Well then tell her "hey mom if it kills my sperm then you won't have to worry about me getting anyone pregnant," she can't really argue with that.
lrgenesis 19
I'm afraid of that too. I don't believe it but still, can't be too safe right?
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Microwaves aren't that dangerous. You can even make them safer by putting as much metal items as you can into them and turn it on for.about 1:00
klimrod89_fml 2
Mother knows best
xgetxbentx 13
Well, in her generation, the microwaves she grew up with probably did have high radiation, they do still have a little, but not enough to do any serious damage. Cell phones give off radiation too.
Razzle_Dazzle_5 11
Cell phones give off a much different type of radiation. If cell phones were to give off the same type of waves a microwave has we would all have cancer.....
iamyourgod 3
108 - cell phones give off a very similar type of radiation to a microwave. They are both classified as microwaves, as their wavelengths, or frequencies are very similar. The difference is just in the amount. Cellphones, as you know, give off light which travels to a tower and creates a small current in the wires at the tower. Microwaves give off a large amount of the same light which, as you should also know, caused large currents in things such as tin foil or forks. It's the same light frequency, just one is supplied by a tiny battery while the other is by a 110V outlet. When your cellphone sends a signal, it, like a microwave, causes water to rotate. Rotating molecules is heat. The heat being caused in your hand is so minimal you don't feel it and it causes no damage. The heat if you were in a microwave would hurt and cause severe burns, but burns don't cause cancer.
derrek87 6
115 are you saying that WIFI will give u cancer