Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
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Top comments
evilplatypus 39
If your dad's that drunk, the microwave probably would've won the fight anyway.
DocBastard 40
Dad: Why can't you ever *hic* heat anything evenly? Microwave: ... Dad: I asked you a question! Microwave: ... Dad: Answer me, damn you! Microwave: *ding* Dad: YOU'RE GROUNDED, SMARTASS!
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Comments (66)
evilplatypus 39
If your dad's that drunk, the microwave probably would've won the fight anyway.
JocelynKaulitz 28
It's not like he was going to remember he grounded you the next day…
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Yeah. When you argue with a microwave, things can get quite heated.
ArielTheMermaid 17
Poor microwave. Just wanted to make your dad a snack
sirbrainiac 2
"Step aside son, this is an argument between me and the microwave."
PurpleLightsaber 4
That sucks, OP! Hope he sobers up soon!
jetsown08 21
What do you mean by you "hope" he'll sober up? Is there a chance that his liver will refuse to process alcohol and he'll magically stay drunk the rest of his life?
Psych101 9
42- I think 2 was saying that he hopes OP's dad sobers up sooner rather than later. If he hadn't included soon in his comment, then it would have just been ridiculous.
ygdrassil 17
Perhaps he means it in the sense of "stops getting drunk".
Kiki242 19
Just walk away.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Or radiate him, like the microwave would have done.
SkoomaKi 28
Just leave him with the microwave, they'll work out their differences.
Psych101 9
I don't know, microwaves are pretty argumentative. And mine is so damn judgemental...
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Mine is always beeping at me all impatiently if I don't get my food within a few seconds! I'm like, "I WILL GET MY FOOD WHEN I WANT TO, DAMNIT!".
ygdrassil 17
Stop stereotyping, you guys. My microwave is Sharp and warm. (I apologize for my puns.) It's just when a few bad individuals act out that microwaves in general take the blame.
olpally 33
Your dad is Peter griffin!! Lmao!
ByronJess 17
If he was that drunk, he probably won remember that he threatened to ground you. I wouldn't be worried.
RAUHWeltBegriff 9
good, bad or both he had his night, hope he remembers the goods and gets over what he wanted to forget although drinking to forget is not always fun
Ynasia 5
Is your dad Charlie Sheen?
janerose21 3
and Charlie sheen is always winning!!
MindFreakazoid 10
He's got tiger's blood, and Adonis DNA.
Addyy_ 5
If you see someone arguing with a microwave, chances are you don't want to intrude.
lostinlabels 8
I do the same thing after microwaving a hot pocket.
DocBastard 40
Dad: Why can't you ever *hic* heat anything evenly? Microwave: ... Dad: I asked you a question! Microwave: ... Dad: Answer me, damn you! Microwave: *ding* Dad: YOU'RE GROUNDED, SMARTASS!
kamikrazy 6
Finally, a comment by docbasterd that does not require a dictionary.
rattusrattus 19
I'd prefer to think that the dad was debating the merits of consequentialist vs. deontological ethics.
kamikrazy 6
*goes to google*