Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After hundreds of passive-aggressive comments, my boyfriend and I went into the kitchen. I started complaining to him about how his parents were horrible and mean. Little did I know, his parents had followed us in and were right behind me. FML
Today, my parents met my boyfriend, and to say it went badly is an understatement. My mom went outside to relax by chain smoking and the shouting, and the screaming only ended when my dad took my boyfriend by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the front door into the street. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
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Top comments
SexySlayer1248 18
You might want to try a redo when your dad calms down
ElricMustang 23
That poor microwave :/
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Comments (47)
SexySlayer1248 18
You might want to try a redo when your dad calms down
nurchok 15
#1, I was about to say literally the same exact thing :)
Gingerette 8
Or just perform a mercy killing upon your father. that will solve everything. And you might get a little insurance money out of it.
ElricMustang 23
That poor microwave :/
BlueRainDude 11
Every abusive household starts that way. First it's the microwave. Then one day the stove is gone. Next the toaster is found smashed to bits in the front lawn. Oh the machines that have suffered.
nissa0909 16
1 like equals 1 prayer for abused microwaves!
vipirius 18
This isn't Facebook dude..
nissa0909 16
I'm a girl and it was a joke! :( I was making fun of everyone who does that on Facebook..
leonchen7498 12
am amazed no one saw that lol
TheMalygos 21
@26 What about dislikes?
BeautyBaby099 18
Great first impression
zed34 18
First impressions are the lasting impressions! Hope she sticks around!
Nyx_fml 23
Your dad is dumb. He can't kill the microwave; he has to get the fridge to do it. The fridge's a big guy.
broderickc 13
Nobody ***** with the fridge
Wolstenholme 11
**** first impressions. Most stressful moments in life.
Axipiter 24
Awe inspiring. Well done. Anytime something stresses you out, **** it.
Wolstenholme 11
Did I say that? No I was just implying that I do not like first impressions. I always mess them up.
Chloe555_fml 27
Good way to assert your dominance over the machines. I know I have.
DocBastard 40
Dad: And **** you, toaster, for getting crumbs all over my counter! **** you! Girlfriend: Uh... Dad: Stove, you overcooked my eggs, you bastard! Girlfriend: I'm outta here.
pistachiopanda 19
In the dads defense- Toaster and stove sound like jerks.
Espolax 8
I don't know I feel worse for the microwave, your girlfriend having to witness that or you
sunnyray812 42
Your dad should know not to be an ass when company is over ESPECIALLY when it's their first time in meeting.