Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
Today, I finally had it out with my abusive father. I spent almost an hour detailing about how he constantly humiliates me in public, treats me like slime, and hits me at random when he's in a bad mood. His response was, "Quit being such a wimp" because I'm "not female." Mom took his side. I'm 16 and can't move out. FML
Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML
Today, while moving a couch and repeatedly asking my dad what he was trying to do and him ignoring me, I got my hand slammed between the corner of the couch and a doorway, because my dad shoved the couch without saying anything. I was holding the corner to stop it from falling on me. FML
Today, I overheard my mom’s boyfriend viciously berating and verbally abusing her. I got in his face and started yelling that he can’t talk to her that way. He stormed out and we haven’t heard from him since. Now my mom is pissed and wants to kick me out for “ruining” her relationship. Sorry I guess. FML
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Top comments
iaaan 0
wow jerk
Sungod 0
In Sovjet russia, door slams you! anti flooooood
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Comments (423)
iaaan 0
wow jerk
FreshSalad 1
mustve been an expensive microwave
pinkpanda93 0
god be careful the doors are fragile you monster
ramboman19 8
those microwave doors are expensive! you could break it!! :d
DamnDatFML 0
******* poor timing made me 6th
funshit123 0
fail u're 9th
DarkPrince_fml 0
lucky ur old enough to move out if I was old enough I would be outta here my mom is so fking annoying
DamnDatFML 0
Sigh both comments are fails. Guess I'll be putting my head down stare at a lake and try to find my soul throughout a life changing walk
Lucky_Adi 0
wow, sounds like I would've wrote this FML a few years ago.
ramboman19 8
this whole comment system is stupid and doesn't work
iaaan 0
i agree with 22.
dsizzle52 0
I LOVE BOOBS
FreshSalad 1
Rambo and I basically wrote the same thing haha
seanreddog 4
Well you should know your dad is like this by now, so be more careful.
stepheniscool 0
dam phyco lol
FreshSalad 1
where did my comment go ???? :(
cookiemobzta 0
YDI the micro wave could have been hurt!
l_s_1_boy 0
oh the horror! poor microwave
Emofluffinzhehe 0
woooooo awkward turtle babies!!!!!
Emofluffinzhehe 0
*runs in circles*
teffyweffy 6
Thats why I moved out at my mom's first threat to scare me. She did regret it, but sometimes its for the best.
samantha_durano 6
32's picture is making me reeeeally hungry.
tehamericanboy94 0
^ picture makes me reeel hungry.
babyale760 0
ur dad is a drama queen. maybe wanted an excuse to get rid of you.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Lol, like sam needs another salad :]
FreshSalad 1
I'm glad I'm making you ladies hungry for a fresh salad... it's a good choice. @37 I hate it when it does that!!!
Notjustanother1 0
just say yeah yeah watever muthafucker !
The_grumpy_bear 0
I'm sure there is something going on that helped build up to that and the microwave just set him off. Maybe leave the house for a while for things to cool down. I am sure things may get better afterward.
imbatman_fml 0
this is a bullshit teen fml because you know OP is either 25 and at home or smoking crack and acting the fool. grow up OP and gtfo.
SourSourDiesel 0
76 likes little boys aparently
deathcab7 0
haha, sounds like my dadddd.
tjrocks1294 0
well you don't disrespect the burritos
seanders 10
Well don't slam the ******* door you savage! Pack your shit and lie in traffic
SeedlessMe 13
Hey Freshsalad- you never heard of acme's disappearing, reappearing ink? ;-)
xWITNESS_xX 0
I lol'd at this.
jrkarikas 0
UFO got slamming the damn microwave door!
mcgugs 0
I rarely comment on FMLs, but I 100% know what you're foing through. I have the exact same issue. I'm 14. FML.
bballer55 0
so many oldiez here, 14 IS WHERE ITS AT Y'ALL
cincin75 0
Sounds ur father is more like a monster a little bit... much. @_@
bubbarific 0
in Soviet Russia, good boy turned to you!
Arashi_Nightmare 8
93 - Shut up. My mom threw my computer across my room and a planner in my face on my 15th birthday. And I wasn't on crack. T.T
Ms_Jessie22 8
123- You look 11
shellytaliaaxxx 0
I'm sure it was many events leading up to that... Though it does seem a little harsh. Try actually getting a place of your own if you don't want to deal with him.
spazmunkey 0
dude what the **** hes an ass if he cares more about a damn microwave than his kid
illmatic2 16
I'm sure op isn't telling the whole story.
blindyblonde13 0
hi everyonee. im bored, threadjack with me?
youngrob 0
is ur dad on steroids?
blindyblonde13 0
nice username? aha whats up?
degrassilovur 0
I LOST THE GAME :p...!!!
Ms_Jessie22 8
159 I like your name! :)
blindyblonde13 0
ooh jesse me too!
illmatic2 16
159- **** you I hate the game.
degrassilovur 0
thanks Ms_Jessie. nice pic...!!
degrassilovur 0
159- :( sorry
heidelbergmeme 5
#14 ohalitsme: hey you have a cute profile pic... how old are you?
120796gators 0
what's with this whole soviet Russia joke everyone is like "in soviet Russia....blah blah blah"
illmatic2 16
it's ok...it's just that I never seem to win :(
ispitflames 3
Jess! It won't let me unblock you hahaha
degrassilovur 0
172- If it makes u feel any better I nvr win either...!!
degrassilovur 0
170- I kno rite !! I don't get it either...
demoon_fml 7
110, is your name Brendan white?
120796gators 0
177, I've seen like 3 differen people comment something about that on this post
120796gators 0
178 considering his name is Jimmy 007 I think his name is Jimmy but it's only a guess
bmariotto 0
Hulk angry! Hulk smash!
illmatic2 16
174- thanks...i'm glad to see that I'm not the only one.
degrassilovur 0
like #6 below ..!! ive seen It on other fml too...!!
120796gators 0
yeah it's like everyone is saying it will someone please explain the soviet Russia joke or is it just something stupid that doesn't make sense
degrassilovur 0
I'm with 189 on this one...!! pleeasseeee explain it(:
ispitflames 3
in soviet russia, comments post people!
Raleigh_bruh 7
You guys talking about The Game as in the show? Sorry, I'm kind of slow.. Today..
illmatic2 16
the only person who is good at soviet Russia jokes on this site is imbatman...just sayin
120796gators 0
ispitflames y does everyone say that
johnjack87 0
no ur ugly
illmatic2 16
the game that if you think about you lose...so you just lost.
ispitflames 3
in soviet russia, soviet Russia jokes explain them selfs
degrassilovur 0
192- the gane is a universal game that eeryone plays... the only way to wi is to not think about it ad when I think about it u have to gy as many other ppl to think about it so they lose also(:
antispamdude 0
btw, some of you "kids" are not guilty. I'm sorry to imply all of the kids deserve that.
Raleigh_bruh 7
#199 - Ah, I see. I think I'll like the show better (: but I guess I'll still play if I can?
degrassilovur 0
srry for all the misspellings. I'm using my bros keyboard :/..!! and I think I get the soviet Russian jokes but it seems kind of racial... (?!)
ispitflames 3
in soviet russia, my mom licks a apple while juggling seven apples at seven thirty seven in the A to the M
seanreddog 4
in soviet russia, the **** up you shut soviet jokes russia about!
120796gators 0
so no one is gonna answer me about this soviet Russia thing in a way that makes sense
GinandJenkem 0
14's right. Ignore them. If you retaliate, you're giving them a reason to play the roll like a gay chimp.
telle_16 0
i think theres more to this story...i cant imagine someone doing all that over a microwave..
degrassilovur 0
heyy 200(: I'm guessing ur board ...?? :p and 203- totally(: the more the merrier send me a message about te soveit russi jokes and I'll explain but I won't do it overthr comments, Kay ?
seanreddog 4
You just switch up the words like yoda and put "in soviet Russia" in front.
120796gators 0
ohhhhh ok thanks Sean
Raleigh_bruh 7
They aren't called Soviet Russia jokes, they're called "Russian Reversals". Hence you REVERSE the intended joke and add "In Soviet Russia". Oh yeah.. I'm that smart.
120796gators 0
thanks I was sooo confused when I saw those comments I had mo idea why they were posting comments like that
skaterkid1995 0
#159 noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! I hate the game
ispitflames 3
I loled@ 211's stupidity
seanreddog 4
So it'd be like in soviet russia taco eats you instead of you eat taco.
degrassilovur 0
oh; i was thinkig that since during soviet russia it was still backwards and the slowest to modernize you chage the order of the joke to make fun if it but nvr mindddddd.....
Raleigh_bruh 7
#223 - You made me chuckle (:
degrassilovur 0
218- srry :p 219- I'm stupid, how exactly ?
bballer55 0
yea erm no im 14 and like 5ft10/11in not sure which soo....
degrassilovur 0
227- what?! no I didn't...!!
luv_luv_lollipop 0
41 if I did tht I would immediatly get baqq handed but then agen I'm not old enuff 2 du much
redsox4021 0
Today, I was hung over and a little high. My ***** of a daughter slammed the microwave door I threatened to throw her fat ass out.
samtheram 0
ur like 90 lbs. I grow vegetables n my garden bigger than u
redsox4021 0
stfu Asian ^^^ Asians average height is 4'11
Vanessaxx 0
woohoo! I'm watchingg georgee lopezzzzz(: it's the funniest shoowwwww!<3
illmatic2 16
nooo scrubs is the funniest
Vanessaxx 0
nott evenn! that's a show about doctorss. this Is a show about mexicannsss(:
Raleigh_bruh 7
You're both wrong. The Office is funnier than both of those.
degrassilovur 0
ur all wrong. Degrassi es el mejor (:
Vanessaxx 0
whatss the office...?
illmatic2 16
yeah fricken hilarious doctors!! best doctors ever I must say. the office is okay...very weird though.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Degrassi es mayor cojo (: The Office.. You've never heard of this show Vanessa?? With Steve Carrell.
hubbabubbba 0
wow wat a biatch.
illmatic2 16
degrassi isn't funny. it's a dama right? idk only seen like one episode.
Raleigh_bruh 7
I don't know, Illmatic. I've only seen 1 episode also, and it bored the hell out of me. Plus, Drake has brittle bones so yah :P.
Vanessaxx 0
nooooo Raaa. :p
blindyblonde13 0
i love degrassi!!!
degrassilovur 0
225- I nvr said it was funny... I said it was the best(: ¿hables espanol? no es cojo, es una telenova para adolescentes..!! y no me gusta drake en degrasssi, el es feo y stupido,.!!
illmatic2 16
I'm pretty sure it is a drama. haha I laughed when I found out drake is on degrassi...never looked at him the same way again.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Gah, Vanessa :P. From now on I want you to promise me that you'll change the channel on your tv to NBC every thursday night at 8pm so you can watch new episodes of The Office. Can you do this for me (: ?
mfmylifesrsly 30
DRAKE WAS ON DEGRASSI! I suck his dick in my mind. don't tell Colin tho!!
Vanessaxx 0
you hablo español pequeño. porque no te gusta drake en dagrassi? dagrassilovr
Summer17 0
pahaha 123 does look 11! sad sad little boy lol
Freeze_fml 17
Degrassi sucks. In fact, anything, other than Invader Zim, that has ever existed on Nickelodeon sucks. Bunch of bullshit whiny teen drama. Boring.
Raleigh_bruh 7
#260 -Si, hablo espanol: P. Ah, asi que usted no quiere drake en el degrassi? Lol usted es la primera chica que he visto que piensa que es feo. Hace musica buena aunque (:
Vanessaxx 0
I cantt. I never ever watch tv. pluss I go out everyynighttt Raleigh :p
illmatic2 16
your watching tv right now!!! you just said it!
Raleigh_bruh 7
Well thanks a lot, Vanessa :/
Vanessaxx 0
yeah . this is the first time I have in like 2 monthss.
Vanessaxx 0
sorry Raleigh :
Raleigh_bruh 7
I guess I can forgive you.
Vanessaxx 0
woohoo!(: thankssss
Raleigh_bruh 7
I foresee all the Spanish talk up there getting modded in the next 45 minutes.
Vanessaxx 0
agreed Jimmy, it's also good for the NY giantess<3333 and the NY yankeess<3333
StoryOfTheYear 15
Did RaIeigh get banned?
Raleigh_bruh 7
Raleigh sure did get banned.
seanreddog 4
email them and they might un-ban you
Raleigh_bruh 7
It's not a big deal.
LilDarkAngel9014 2
All of you are wrong, the show The Game is the best.
degrassilovur 0
hockey es aburrido. todos los deportes son aburridos..!!!
LilDarkAngel9014 2
301 girl I watch the show everyday at 11am and 4pm lol. and everybody hates Chris. those are my fav shows
degrassilovur 0
Vanessa- lo siento. no veo que has esbribido. pienso que drake no era un bueno actor
Pistolaro 0
dad- YOU MONSTER!!! WE don't treat microwaves like that in THIS house. now I'm gonna move to china where microwaves are ALL treated equally!!!! kid- WTF dad?!?!?
KiddNYC1O 22
king of queens is the best
Raleigh_bruh 7
Kidd - Yes! King of Queens is awesome :P.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Woh! hockey is boring??? No other sport allows players to beat the shit out of each other
Vanni 0
I'll say it again: English only. Also, just a friendly tip: If you want to be unbanned or keep from being rebanned, not breaking the same rules would be step 1.
degrassilovur 0
yea I'm not that much of a sports person;; except cross-country and track tho...!!!(:
illmatic2 16
soty- try wrestling mma boxing football rugby etc.
KiddNYC1O 22
please, if anything sister sister is better than the game Raleigh- yep, so is Leah remini lol
seanreddog 4
Vanni, if you're refering to me being re-banned, I actually have followed the rules so far and haven't posted any more "antiflood comments, and no homophobic slurs, insults or stuff like that".
degrassilovur 0
sorry 312- I'm so used to flipflopping back from Spanish to English all the time..!!! I'll stop tho and if I do it again it's not on purpose, it's just a habit... :/...!!
illmatic2 16
I never knew there were rules for this site. lol
anlhawks 5
heellll yeahh
seanreddog 4
Except maybe a few well-deserved insults, and the "stuff like that" is kinda vague but I'm trying! Anyways I'm off to bed so g'night y'all!
Vanni 0
Oh not you, sean. I'm actually really happy to see people want to be on the site enough to bother coming back or getting unbanned. As long as you're following the rules, it's all good. I wasn't really referring to anyone in particular. Just warning people that the chatting under 1st comment is being watched. >:)
seanreddog 4
Okay cool. Are you gonna start moderating the thread-jackers again?
degrassilovur 0
did anyone hear that Meagan fox won't be in the next transformers ?? ^^ random I kno but I'm getting bored...
illmatic2 16
if that is true I refuse to watch it.
Raleigh_bruh 7
Yeh, she won't be in it because she talked bad about Michael Bay or something.. Who cares though, the last one wasn't even that good. And she has weird thumbs :P.
gasbreakdipdip 0
NO THE BOMDOCKS IS THE FUNNIEST SHOW. good day sir.
degrassilovur 0
320- I LOVE ur pixture. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN IS AWESOME...!!!
degrassilovur 0
I meant 329
illmatic2 16
what's wrong with her thumbs?
Raleigh_bruh 7
Google her thumbs, bruh. You'll see (:
FreshSalad 1
@ SeedlessMe No I haven't... care sending me a link?
KiddNYC1O 22
lmao at Megan fox thumbs
deathcab7 0
yeahh some new actress, i cant remember her name is replacing megan fox in the next transformers. But thats good because I didnt think she was a very good actress, she just stood around and looked pretty haha.
illmatic2 16
ehhh she does have weird thumbs...oh well she is still bangin.
PoopTrainDix 0
I'm sure there is more to this story then we know
azim2424 0
Ths gy snds rlly Stupierd to me. Y te fk ds he gt bnt ot of shpe ovr nthng?
StoryOfTheYear 15
It's called Herodactyly or something like that, I just did a project on something like that, and when I typed it in on google to get pictures I got like 5 full pages of Megan fox -.- I'm like WTF?
StoryOfTheYear 15
P.S. Don't mess with Vanni
EllyH 0
I'm sure it's about many small diffrent things that are annoying.. And if you're of age to live on your own, you should really either be really greatful to be in his roof and be more or less the perfect roommate, pick up after yourself, clean and help out in the household. OR you should look for your own place and live as you please. Good luck. oh, if you're not of age.. well, then it sucks, for both of you. But you should still try to be a better kid. :)
Petey_devil 0
93 looks like Jesse pinkman!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Freeze, wasn't Doug on Nick back in the day? I was a Quailman fan. Also: Venture Bros. > Boondocks. Just sayin'.
suppressed08 2
*BANG* and that door came off it's ******* hinges! :P
BaKardix 0
yeah he looks 11 not 14 nuff said:D
Starfire22 5
@jimmym007: because its ANNOYING
StoryOfTheYear 15
373- there are a lot of annoying things, but you don't see my complaining about it
Alpha35 4
wow what an asshole why would you slam the microwave door
Raleigh_bruh 7
I have an odd question. Why don't mods ever actually have pics of themselves up?
Starfire22 5
@Storyoftheyear(?):fml isn't a social networking site, if you want to chat or catchup with someone, inbox them or ask for their information, such as YIM, facebook, myspace ect. and talk to them there. It's pretty obvious that they are cracking down on thread jacking with people getting banned or warnings in their inboxs, so if you want to deter from getting banned,then take the hint and stick to the rules of the site... its really not that dificult
irockfendergirl 0
301- I love Spongebob- what makes it sad is I'm 29 y/o. Oh well. :)
lillylove_fml 6
what no one understands is the value a nmorcowave is to a father. obviously the son is old enough to move out, and in case the father was a small boy when he got someone pregnant, over 40. mircowaves were new when he was growin up, and he still treasure them and treats them with respect. it's so rude to slams a door of anything, and peole need to realize animals have feelings too. stop abusing them, its was so mean of you to slam a puppy into a wall and I would say the same thing. YDI.
sheckyisbatman 0
Dude I wish I could high five you.... INVADER ZIM!!! FTW!!
DeadMoose 0
ydi for slamming the helpless microwave door. those things break easily you know.
islandjew247 0
YDI for slamming the microwave door and not making him a sammich!
SmileForMee 0
# SIX - You fail, epically. x)
skyrocket67 0
haha xD umm ne 1 else think this is fake nd gay?
nood_fml 0
gahh you made me lose the game!!!
nood_fml 0
189, the soviet russia joke was started by a comedian (don't know name) who simply liked Russia. he pretty much meant with it that Russia was different than America. the original i think was "in socialist america, but in soviet Russia law breaks you!!" if imma wrong then I pronounce mahselv a fail
IslandLove 0
this pic makes me hungery
Ynunez 3
i agree
kajee666 0
you did what!?!?!?
kenny696 0
you have no idea.
KAT0INFINITY 11
//hat a dick.
funshit123 0
lol never slam any door
xleanne_aLly 23
his dad needs a smoke .
ScarlieC 25
No, OP needs to learn to not slam doors that aren't his.
Sungod 0
In Sovjet russia, door slams you! anti flooooood
iaaan 0
in soviet russia, bad joke tells you! ilafp
iownyou777 0
in soviet Russia you guys are dirty pirate hookers
Aspire_fml 0
wow .. better startvlooking for a new place then xD nah!
AJG390 0
Hmm. Someone was in a bad mood. Sorry OP.
grace9856 0
haha ya ik
seanreddog 4
#8 youre hot!
blindyblonde13 0
sean you shoulda joined the convo under comment #10.
seanreddog 4
No I felt like being different.
ispitflames 3
Agreeed 8 is bangin' !
bmariotto 0
#8 lookin good :) just sayin
blindyblonde13 0
haha well, sean, congrats! you were special! emphasis on the WERE haha two other people commented about her lookss.
seanreddog 4
Aww man!
blindyblonde13 0
sorry sean:( and lmao @ jimmy:D
honeybee366 0
sounds like my mom.
ispitflames 3
oh mannn #8 looksss goood
iaaan 0
yup
bballer55 0
dude i disagree u must be gay O-o
nerdsgetmehot 23
#38 Agreed. #8 is really pretty. :)
bballer55 0
oops srry thought u said she looks gross...my bad. she is pretty.... * smacks forehead * coulda had a V8
ispitflames 3
you trippinnn
blindyblonde13 0
you guys had this whole convo about her and it wasnt even under her original comment.. hahaha
ispitflames 3
Hahah yea I just noticed that
seanreddog 4
Yeah.
SHaven01 0
LOllll nice
blindyblonde13 0
oh well haha its okay(: although she probally will never knoww... q
ispitflames 3
Woooooo I'm on her list of hotties! Suckkkk it bitchsss ( I hope your not a old man mows)
eehizle 0
^ pfft. what are you, 12? fail.
iownyou777 0
407 pfft you are a dirty pirate hooker
AbcAbcAbcAbcAbcA 0
******.
gregonfire 4
kewl
blindyblonde13 0
mother ****** yous a pussy ass hoe you son of a bitch!! am i cool now too?.... cursing makes you sound stupid #11.
seanreddog 4
Yes you're cool now!
blindyblonde13 0
yes!!! success! be jealous all you ******* mothaaaaa fuckaaaaaas hahaha jk.. cursing is bad..
breathecarolina1 0
well I guess u deserve it
Intoxicunt 6
Awwwww, are your cycles synced? I know a good solution. You and your dad sit down with a bucket of ice cream and a Lifetime movie. Cry it out, man, cry it out.
Honesty4U 0
I always heart your comments Intoxicunt!
RedPillSucks 33
Toxi, Is that what it takes? Who's been hiding this info? *whips out the $30 bucket of Cherry Garcia*
TCB12 0
lol my dad held a knife upto my throat for slamming the microwave door too
blindyblonde13 0
zoutie, i am a little worried about this too...