Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
joeyf23 5
that's hilarious but kinda weird
SquashedSpider7 0
AMAZING! Your Husband is BOSS!!!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (225)
rtjacobson 0
Bahahhaha love it! Go for the wild squarepants sex!
skinflint 6
hilarious! you must be really cute. also, you don't make jokes like that with a girl who insecure so kudos to you. that's why he married you.
sneakymcpothead 0
Omg that's so freaking hilarious !
amezola03 0
Omg that sounds like something my husband would do!!! Joys of having kids
samanthayap 2
Hahaha that's quite funny! Your husband has a sense of humor!
fo_86 0
Haha wtf!? Your husbands a funny man
laboa86 0
Ur bold
owl1995 0
Hahahahaha lmfao that's hilarious
Cmdr_Shepard 17
LMAO that's hilarious, your husband is the boss. I just hope you don't act like Squidward too.
D3athT3ch 4
WIN! lmfao!