Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
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Top comments
joeyf23 5
that's hilarious but kinda weird
SquashedSpider7 0
AMAZING! Your Husband is BOSS!!!
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Comments (225)
jaredofmo 22
"Get your penis off my face or you aren't touching my Bikini Bottom!"
obamathellama 0
Spongebob foreplay?
victo890 11
Ur husband has great imagination but it's gross!!;)
yummylicious 5
This has been the first FML for a while that actually made me laugh out loud.
victo890 11
Totally agreed!
Omfgitsmia 15
Lmao I'd be annoyed as hell too.
MissSunny 6
Oh my gosh people need to lighten up in bed and have a sense of humor. U guys are a couple, u should be able to be silly and comfortable together. I would have thought that was funny!
alwaysrockin711 3
If your husbands penis looks like squidwards nose, he might want to get that checked out
EPICROCKERNINJA 8
I'm stuck between laughing and being weirded out....
victo890 11
Agree!!XD
brandonb6 1
Hahahahahahahahahahahah
g0bak3acake 0
that's really funny I wanna see if it actually makes u look like squidward(: I'm going to try it on myself
yourlifeisbetter_fml 0
So are you a dude who'll use his own junk or are you really going to confuse some one-night-stand?