Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable shower head. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, "You too?" FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband in the shower. I got in and we were talking and goofing around and I stuck out my chest and sucked in my stomach being stupid, and my husband said, "Wait! Do it again! That's how you looked when I first met you." FML
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
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Top comments
joeyf23 5
that's hilarious but kinda weird
SquashedSpider7 0
AMAZING! Your Husband is BOSS!!!
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Comments (225)
BlackBelt4Me 7
I'm torn between saying there needs to be a "LOVE THIS" or a "Pull the stick out of your ass!" button for this one. Anyway, that's cute, OP needs to lighten up a bit.
jedielf 23
Holy shit that's hilarious, but I can imagine how it would kill the mood lol.
perdix 31
Why is his dick on your face? Is he avoiding your Krabby Patty?
JamesOnToast 5
That's ******* hilarious!
My_Nightmare 19
That's actually pretty hilarious. Horrible timing though
loserman67 36
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for making my day. This has to be one of the funniest FML's I have ever read. Your reply should have been, "I guess you really don't want to get into my squarepants."
Courtney_Sanders 6
That's kind of gross, but hilarious! If my fiancé did that to me I would laugh my ass off. Loosen up!
yoshiyakiryu 20
At least he has a sense of humour although that could definetely be a mood-killer.
leadman1989 16
And then you had a skid mark on your chest! You - >:f
pennamay 11
Everytime you see him naked, you should snicker and tell him his "penis" looks like squidwards nose.