Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks VapoRub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML
Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML
Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
Today, the stall I was using didn't have any toilet paper in it. Being the immature idiot I am, I was too embarrassed to ask for someone to grab me some. So I waited 45 minutes for the bathroom to be empty and crept into the next stall, only to find it was also out of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML
Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
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Top comments
NinaTatianna 9
Easy fix: take a shower.
Corygerm 9
Puffs plus indeed.
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Comments (152)
AnaBanana1918 7
And your grandma let you use Kleenex?
indielove 13
Nothing hurts more than a burning crotch.
jillianmathers12 13
Couldn't you smell the Vicks???
McDougal2013 0
Boner
whatchutalkinbou 0
1- what a stupid question.
iBanana 17
Humm, well OP.. You got burned.
EvilPotato 15
Take a shower OP?
blackheart24 10
Corygerm- your effing hot :)
crotchitch 0
24- idk about you but I don't know anyone who smells their toilet paper before they use it..
LiveLaughFML 10
#57: true that, lol. but whenever someone has Vicks vapor on their chest or back, I could smell it from a few feet away. the smell is really strong! :3
CanadianPuckHead 4
Flaming head
crotchitch 0
63- true but in the tissues you can't really smell it unless it's like 3 inches from your nose lol but I still feel bad for OP. :(
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
kinky
topie_fml 6
And that's how the flaming lips got their name.
HomeAl0ne 20
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!
Evan2297 0
At least your ass hole smells good now..
Livzii 5
ouch that's gotta hurt! sorry OP
alpaquette91 9
Brings a whole new meaning to fire crotch
angrymexican 8
At least it wasn't sandpaper
murlocholmes 5
54- I don't care what you say... 80 grit gets the job done well...
leprechaun23 15
Replace the vapor rub tissue with sand paper. That'll teach the bitch
ObsessedWithMe 13
FYL. Sounds super painful but that's what labels are supposed to be for.
IAmNotAnAnimal 9
Feel the burnnn.
deviable 9
Unless her grandma had one of those weird Kleenex warmer things.
thisisafunnyname 12
at first i thought it was a guy and he was jacking off and his dick was on fire
Haha_no_123 11
I thought the same thing #137
m0tl3ycru3 0
Your grandmother is an evil woman.
Footballfinatic 0
Sucks to suck
Iheartfunny 1
5- I laughed so hard at your pic... its funny cause Im black but I think kfc is kind of gross
YacL 15
Don't those smell and feel different?
shanie123 10
I was thinking the same thing. I had those things in my room and my whole room smelled like vicks
Corygerm 9
Puffs plus indeed.
HideouslyHuman 10
Not quite.
christyxbee 15
Not quite my ass. Puffs plus lotion is the best replacement if you're talking kleenexes because they're thick and soft and have a fair amount of lotion in them. Suprised the gma didn't have Tucks or something though or like Scotty wipes for those hard times (pun not intended) which may have worked better than any Kleenex because they were meant to be used down there near that area... But even a napkin or a paper towel would have been better than a vapor rub Kleenex. I agree that OP should have felt/smelled that all too familiar smell before putting that down there but Jesus. Maybe you should do your gma a favor and just go purchase her some real TP instead of typing it all out on FML for us to read while she has the potential to suffer the same fate...? You know how gmas are sometimes with their thinking... Sometimes not always there, this doesn't really help your case, kinda just makes you look bad for not helping her get some if she was truly out!
Urbanchiller 0
Damn woman, writing a life story on kleenex and puff plus tissues? FYI .. too long didn't read.
NinaTatianna 9
Easy fix: take a shower.
KiddNYC1O 22
That thing can be difficult to wash off.
lolololer 8
especially if its way up there..
NinaTatianna 9
What? Why would it be way up there... she said she used it as toilet paper, not as a tampon... And no, actually it is not hard to wash off--unless youre unfamiliar with soap.
Daralea 21
Or sit down in a cold bath.
Feklfekl2222 32
Are you a guy or a girl?
jadenstigman 0
Obviously a girl if they're wiping their crotch
mrbendystraw 0
******* Kleenexes, man!! How do they work?!
M0rt 0
Captainsparklez reference? Sir were you aware it is physically possible for males to while their dick?
Strafeh 9
I immediately regret this desicion!!!!!!! - captansparkelz
LolAtYourFail 12
"So we have, uh...Dude and Fly Like a G-6"
LolAtYourFail 12
Captainsparklez... ****** hilarious
Tanny91 0
You should switch her blood pressure with sugar pills, that will teach her lol
Savra_fml 17
Switch her blood pressure? For a normal pressure of 80/120, you would do 80 sugar/120 pills or the other way around?
Smidget1 0
I believe he meant to say switch her blood pressure pills with sugar pills, for those of u who didnt get it... And i also feel like that was an answer to one of the GOAT questions in Fallout 3... Just saying...
Savra_fml 17
We all know what he wanted to say....but didn't. Just some friendly stirring of the pot.
Alexisthebestest 16
She would die before she learned the lesson.
ShakeMeDown 12
36- generalized occupation aptitude test... I cheated :D