Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
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Top comments
shift_love 13
Well? Didn't you want some? Why are you playing those love games?
mrszane93 5
Say " After you eat my pussy"
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Comments (181)
creampie18 5
He is a guy this is expected. Just say yes, you know you want it!
Shrike 24
Yeah, disgusting sexist generalizations are so funny when they're against MEN, right?
ayala92 0
Hey
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I just met you
miss_sqwert 19
how is this an fml. i would have crackd up laughing. ydi for having no sense of humor
4204ever 0
Your boyfriend is the ******* man!! Haha
iamawriter1881 1
Sounds just like my boyfriend :/
Haven74 6
This would have been a perfect opportunity to have prepared Spotted Dick for dessert (look it up if you don't know what it is). Then you could have said "I was hoping you'd ask" excused yourself to retrieve the desserts and said "I just hope there's enough to satisfy both of us."
br0ccoli 15
Oh, the romance.
fenixtorador1 11
Favorite*
unknown_user5566 27
Well OP, you arranged this night for HIM. If that's how he wants the night to go, so be it. Now if he had arranged a romantic night for YOU, then I could see the dick comment being out of context.
ayala92 0
Hey
DCvRkey2012 7
Hey, stop commenting that. It's annoying
lolfood 24
Were*
Obeyy19 4
Wtf? I would have been up on it. What a way to end the night after such a romantic dinner. Sorry, but I don't see a legit fml here.