Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML
Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML
Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
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Top comments
shift_love 13
Well? Didn't you want some? Why are you playing those love games?
mrszane93 5
Say " After you eat my pussy"
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Comments (181)
kittenvks 11
REALLY?!
AxFETUSxFARMER 0
Lol, he thought you wanted to get it in I guess???
NObeeS 7
I don't see how this is a fml. Loosen up.
watsonpsykosis 10
Word check - OP should have used "until" instead of "at least".
Deathonabun 1
If you want to get really REALLY technical, OP probably meant to say "at least until", not just "until".
sempiternallove 3
Poor thing. ):
DarkHelmet 10
That's a mans way of saying thank you for a lovely evening!
horseraddish 4
whisper back "only when you grow a pair to match it"
GhettoMuzick 0
Sorry but you set yourself up for that one!
KnightAngela1109 10
He just wanted to let you know the offer was on the table....I mean come on why else did you do all that stuff????
elletex 8
Romantic evenings with your significant other usually end with sex. If my boyfriend had done this, I would have found it funny, and most likely an accurate assumption.