Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
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Top comments
ohhhhshizzz 0
Well sex isn't always good for the first time you have to know what to do. Play with the clit:] Lmao, seriously you have to do all those things for the GIRL to get the ******. Good thing she was blunt
DeafChef 0
you didn't take her virginity. she gave it to you.
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Comments (259)
jSOPURE 3
She put sex on a pedestal. It's your job to fix that. Go get em' Tiger. :)
bhatia26 0
first time is the worst they say
soccer_roks 0
poor guy... Least ya tried eh??
smiller0789 3
XD Sounds like my first time (and every time after with that guy)... but at least I had the decency not to say it out loud. FYL
leushqua 2
yeah, but hey-the first time it sucks for every girl..it hurts and isnt enjoyable at all... it gets better :)
cpatrick820 3
If it makes you feel any better, my first time involved me going limp, her not realizing that spermicidal condoms don't taste good, and a very quiet trip to taco bell. Cheer up sir. I can understand why you'd feel bad, but it always gets better if you try.
satanicminnow1 1
Maybe girls should break themselves in first with *****? (would that work?)
mylifesucks_alot 0
The first few times hurt like hell when you're a girl. It gets better. She was just being honest.
Tubasaurus 0
I realize that she was a virgin, but she needs to know that it is her that must learn about her own body before you can know what works. If she doesn't know what she likes how are you supposed to? Let her know that you both have to be willing to be experimental. I'm not saying that you have to try a whole bunch of weird stuff but at least try something that you didn't the first time.
xxsunshine 0
a very quiet trip to taco bell? that somehow sounds awkwardly bleak... ):