Today, I had the flu and couldn't go to school. My dad called in and told them that I couldn't be there because I have an itchy anus. Not only that, but my birthday's tomorrow. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my parents told me I have a bunch of chores to do today, no excuses. I have severe diarrhea and can’t leave the toilet. FML
Today, after weeks of looking forward to my birthday trip to the beach, I've come down with a serious case of the flu. My family is still going without me, but at least now they don't have to pay someone to watch the dog. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, my throat itches and I'm congested. It's Friday, the day I'm supposed to be heading down to help my folks clean out their basement. I have had to cancel on them for two weeks now because this seems to always hit me on a Friday. I want to help, but don't want to infect my parents, who are in their late 60s and mid 70s. FML
Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML
Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML
Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML
Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML
Today, I woke up with bronchitis and hemorrhoids. I'm getting married in 3 days. FML
Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML
Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML
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Top comments
BloodyButUnbowed 32
Your dad is a twit, but bear in mind that only the attendance officer even heard his lie. Nobody else at the school even knows he said it.
user53658 15
Call his work and do the same, see how he likes it.
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Comments (13)
RichardPencil 32
Well, there goes your chance for birthday anal! At least with your school chums. There’s always the local truck stop, unless word about your itchy anus has gone out over CB.
Gwengreen 6
Aaaaaand he’s back ladies and gentlemen
BloodyButUnbowed 32
Your dad is a twit, but bear in mind that only the attendance officer even heard his lie. Nobody else at the school even knows he said it.
zuckerburg 21
ah the dad must be an OG troll then, telling the one person who won't tell anyone else that it's her birthday
julfunky 29
OHMYGODOHMYGOD. Your dad is HILARIOUS.
BurnInDemonFire 39
That's an itch only certain people will scratch.
user53658 15
Call his work and do the same, see how he likes it.
zuckerburg 21
He lied about your birthday!?? WTF! divorce him! oh wait...
Barelysane 2
Hey y'all, OP here. Thank you soooo much for your support. I am currently planning revenge by emptying my hole puncher into his air vents and put them on high. I love him, but he's an asshole sometimes.