Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriend's shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML
Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML
Today, I discovered that my fiancé consistently thinks about his fear of breaking his penis while we have sex. He's afraid to have sex with me. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
Today, I realized the only way I can get hard is if my partner rubs my back and hamstrings for an unreasonable amount of time. My boyfriend thinks I’m being manipulative. FML
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Top comments
jasonf00 1
Um, she did say "backwards" so giving herself oral still isn't happening.
tcharbs 0
what an idiot flexibility=tons of hot positions you should find a guy with an emotional age over 5
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Comments (161)
Summera 2
He's probably jealous that you can pleasure yourself orally and he needs a girlfriend to do that for him.
RedPillSucks 33
Jealous? He should be proud. *hey look what my girlfriend can do.. (sex positions) pretzle, twister, jackson pollock* Introduce him to the Kama Sutra and show him the new positions you can have fun with. If he's jealous, it's probably because he couldn't do the same position with his boyfriend. Try someone new.
wtftoria 1
Can you please explain what the "jackson pollock" is? lmao!!
ZTB13 4
When you cum on random body parts without aiming, I think I'm not positive. that's the answer I got from urban dictionary...
duke6wr 0
lmao
meowmeowwkitty 0
WELL PUT 14!
TrillionHearts 0
Hes clearly stupid. Dump him. He doesn't deserve your flexible-ness :)
hghiPigh 0
flexibility
enoughgrace 4
flexibility-ness
jobart_fml 5
flexible-ass...
Thedrugslikeme2 0
It sounds like he fears you, if so tell him if he leaves you bad things will come. You could also force him into his unwanted sex acts (your wanted). lol Woman rapes man, I'd love to see that in a newspaper! XD
HesJustTheBest 0
Bear in mind that you cannot rape the willing. Furthermore Family Guy had an episode like this, the episode where Lois learns Taekwondo and gets all aggressive. Check it out.
rockhound 0
I'd like to see you say that to a female rape victim.
MissFukMyLuck 0
thumbs up 85. spoken like a real man. go drown yourself.
cryssycakesx3 23
yeah, rape is always funny and usually the answer to all your problems…
HesJustTheBest 0
Perhaps your boyfriend always dreamed about being a contortionist, failed miserably, then sees this as an act of rubbing it in. I'd be pretty pissed too if I was in that situation.
dirtyblond 4
WORD
jonnyroscoe 3
Are you busy next week?
nismochick90 6
that's right.. best way to get over someone is to get under someone.. haha
Raddaya 3
*hits in the crotch with basketball* Hey, how YOU doin'?
eftup 9
I'm sure there is a line of guys that would love your talent!
Calyx_fml 22
He should be happy. Going down on a woman who can do that is amazing! My wife can :)
grdianknight 0
he's an idiot, dump him and find a man who can appreciate your talent