Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend told me that it's "disgusting" to wash your "rear end" and that he has never, and will never, do it. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend doesn’t think it’s important to wipe after he poops. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me of how I had really hurt his feelings. Apparently, not wanting to be sent a photo of his poop is hurtful. FML
Today, my husband thinks I don’t love him. Why? Because I won’t poop with him in the room. FML
Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, I found out that boyfriend doesn't think he needs to wipe his ass after he shits if he's going straight in the shower because he can just "clean it up in there". We share a loofah. FML
Today, while doing my boyfriend's laundry, I noticed that every single pair of his boxers had a poop smear in them. He's almost 30. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he's convinced wearing boxer briefs instead of panties makes me a lesbian. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML
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Top comments
LyricaSilvan 30
Haven't you heard? Women don't have bodily functions. We aren't physically capable of being gross or imperfect.
rustybucket 24
Ignorance really is bliss. I had a male friend who truly believed that women only peed and didn't poop because "that's gross and girls can't be gross." Sorry about your moronic boyfriend!
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Comments (75)
LyricaSilvan 30
Haven't you heard? Women don't have bodily functions. We aren't physically capable of being gross or imperfect.
Rose0Madder 14
God I wish we couldn't be gross. Lol easier for me.
Unlucky1232 20
just... how? How do these people even function? Do they also think woman don't pee?
stinkfire0971 20
congratulations. you failed biology.
bartsj88 6
The boyfriend failed.
Demon_of_Light 27
And you failed reading comprehension.
tounces7 28
He just needs to come out of the closet is all.
nominaski 25
Someone didn't do well in biology class.
rustybucket 24
Ignorance really is bliss. I had a male friend who truly believed that women only peed and didn't poop because "that's gross and girls can't be gross." Sorry about your moronic boyfriend!
ShimmyLikeJimmy 5
A lot of you are taking this so seriously. This is one of the oldest jokes ever "girls don't poop" and you're getting trolled. If you think he's the stupid one, you should feel even dumber now.
nominaski 25
Thank you, 9, for being an example of how dumb someone should be.
ShimmyLikeJimmy 5
Ah yes, your ignorance of a joke that's like a decade old makes me the dumb one. No, that's myopic and nonsensical. You can't even differentiate someone pretending to be stupid and someone who's actually stupid. Girls don't poop is an old saying that guys do, like the women are from Venus thing. You actually thinking he's serious makes you a (sheltered) ignoramus. Clearly there's at least 16 people who are offended that they were called stupid for being gullible (i.e. stupid)
ShimmyLikeJimmy 5
Lemme sum it up: We'll assign two roles, the prankster and the fool (the "prank-ee") Prankster: Girls don't poop (joke) Fool: YOU'RE WRONG AND STUPID (takes very seriously) The prankster is smarter than the fool in this case, that's for sure. Everyone is just looking for reasons to get triggered.
nominaski 25
In other words, you're pissy because no one here thinks you're funny.
ShimmyLikeJimmy 5
You should try comprehension, it's a great skill, not that you'd know anything about it, as evidenced by your complete lack of understanding. If you look up you might see the point hurtling into the stratosphere far over your shoulders followed by a "whoosh" I'll sum it up. OP thought someone is a moron. OP is actually the moron for thinking he's serious when this is like an ancient joke.
nominaski 25
How cute, you know how to use imagery. I bet you're proud of thinking it up so fast. Not that, from what I see, thinking quick is your strong suit. I'm bored of this already; I'd suggest you go to a biker's bar if you need someone to hand your ass to you THAT badly.
TheBestAround23 13
Girls aren't weird about it they just say hey I'm going to the bathroom. Guys will be like hold on I need to take a sh*t brb.
sweetpotato301 7
As a girl, all my close friends have told me that theyre about to go for a shit
Emma1562 35
lol can't be gross. That's rich aha. Seriously my friend is almost a guy she belches, farts, and talks about shit constantly.
griddy24 18
Wow that is a high level of dumb
Tripartita 45
Pfft, gay sex isn't even limited to anal. You should introduce him to oral, intercrural, and frottage! Broaden your boyfriend's pornographic horizon!
CrassKal 27
I am curious as to what those last two are but I genuinely don't want to google them.
ChiefKoala 30
I got your back bud. Intercrural is a type of non-penetrative sex, in which a male places the penis between the receiving partner's thighs (often with lubrication), and thrusts to create friction. Frottage is the general term for the act of rubbing any part of the body, including the buttocks, the breasts, abdomen, thighs, feet, hands, legs and sexual organs against the sexual organ of another person. *The more you know theme plays in the background.*
Tripartita 45
Edit: ChiefKoala beat me to it. Continue reading if you enjoy redundancy. Inter(between)crural(legs/thighs) – **** thrusted between thighs, so it works for folks with vaginas and penises. Frottage(also a term for art generated by rubbing material over a texture with paper between to transfer the texture. E.g. "leaf rubbings") – cocks rubbed together, gripped by one or both parties' hands.
DJRy 13
Don't forget peen in peen.
gracehi 33
Well, I've learned quite a bit from this thread, I must say.
manofmerr 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why can't i read a fml without using my brain bleach afterwards? Just once, i would like that. At least i had the good sense to stock up. Now to go find out what necrobeastieality is.
Dat_Class_Tho 26
#26, I'm not a fan of intercrural or frottage either, but that doesn't mean they're bad enough to warrant "brain bleach". And please don't compare two consenting adults rubbing on each other to the act of ******* a dead animal. I'd say they're not even in the same ballpark, but really they're not even on the same planet.
manofmerr 27
i use brain bleach with frequency, it is the internet after all, as for my comment...well, perhaps i could've went a different route. Than again, i could've said septophilia or coprophilia:)
rekdovah 11
I'm sorry the education system failed your boyfriend so much.
zedjaleaf1 11
Uh they don't?
bartsj88 6
Isn't it sad that no one can tell you were joking?
Konarika 11
Luckily we have natural selection, eh?
gracehi 33
Wait, you mean, he's wrong? ... So, it's *not* supposed to come out of my belly button???
LyricaSilvan 30
Your comment legitimately made me laugh.
kctrl 8
It alarms me how ignorant men can be of women's bodies and how they work.
soullyfe 33
21: Then you'd also be surprised at how ignorant some women can be of their own bodies as well.
sweetpotato301 7
So many women don't know that they pee out of a third hole.
DanielleinDC 34
Yeah, and in the U.S., a lot of them are making laws regulating our reproductive systems!