Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date said, "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML
Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML
Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't that bad if you think about it." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "Nope", and walked out. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML
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Top comments
mikemalk123 0
Wow, got yourself a real winner there, apparently he's not quite as brilliant as he thinks you are... Not so sure if I'd say FYL or YDI, but it's funny all the same
uHazFailedTotall 0
He's a keeper, no doubt.
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Comments (226)
LeftyPitcher 0
we got our ass handed to us in nam but it really was a war we helping a nation get 2 freedom like us but we couldn't brxuase our commrads had no ****** clue way they were doin so mess with America and u will be 6 feet under
perdix 31
"At some point, I'll take my dick out of your mouth, and it'll be good if you have something interesting to say." No wonder you dumped him -- he lifted that straight from a Hallmark Valentines Day card! The no-talent, plagiarizing hack!
Sparkiee93 3
Yes, that's what you say when you want a *******.
WyKeD 0
OMFG.... that is 1 of the most hilarious things I've EVER heard ..... and from a blind date?!?!? I can't stop lmfao!!!! 1 word: CLASSIC!!!! hahahahhaha ...i'm DEFINITELY going to have to use that 1 for sure!!!! LMMFAOROTMFF
JoeMamas 0
He was right though, wasn't he?
deeve 0
ha well at least he said he would pull out instead of just coming in ur mouth
deeve 0
65 stop being a girl n realize that it's an honor to serve our country and only like 3% of the US does it and there is not a wrong way to win a war all u have to do is kickass
lynsieloowho 0
haha Win!
somethingawesome 9
OP should have responded with "and at some point, when I take MY dick out of YOU'RE mouth, you won't have anything intelligent to say." and then OP leaves.
NikkiGirl245 0
16 your a fail