Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date said, "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML
Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML
Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't that bad if you think about it." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "Nope", and walked out. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML
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Top comments
mikemalk123 0
Wow, got yourself a real winner there, apparently he's not quite as brilliant as he thinks you are... Not so sure if I'd say FYL or YDI, but it's funny all the same
uHazFailedTotall 0
He's a keeper, no doubt.
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Comments (226)
dabomb691 0
24th
fualignment 0
so I'm guessing you're the 1/3 that doesn't fall for the naked man technique
b1acksharpi3mark 0
roflolz.
xxniteskie 1
lmfao
blindyblonde13 0
hes a keeper
cm1965 0
now you know why he is single and going on blind dates. what a loser.
IfuckedMYlifebad 0
ydi for leaving the kitchen.
blaaaaakely 0
har har har I see what you did there. shut the **** up and get some new material. FYL for being the anti-lulz.
iAmPaul 49
29 WIN
prototype121 0
epic win
mclonin 0
bahahshaha. there's a comedian that says that. he was nervous and trying to be funny to impress you. you should give him another chance.
ImaginaryFoe 1
I thought it sounded vaguely familiar. Do you remember who said it? Hilarious. OP, it was a joke in bad taste but unless he was a mysoginistic wad the rest of the night, you shouldn't write him off for one joke. Now, if you think after a year of dating that still wouldn't be funny, go ahead and lose his number since your humours are not compatible.
gb_chrs 2
a year?? I'd say 3 months at most.
liam96 0
haha dinner severed. pisst! it my dick!
iAmPaul 49
^^ fail comment, learn to write and get a sense of humour you ******* kid
Squeezeit 0
so her two jobs in life as his gf are to suck dick and amuse him when not performing the former. he's a candidate for the new sex robot. sexual Darwinism boys. you act like an ass you don't get to procreate
juice85 0
lmao
ericck 0
lol 19