Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date said, "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML
Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The guy greeted me with a "What's up, bitch?", which I wrote off as him just being really laid-back. By dessert, he'd asked me if my boobs are real, then when we finished, asked how many more dates it'd take before I put out. So much for that. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML
Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't that bad if you think about it." FML
Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "Nope", and walked out. FML
Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML
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Top comments
mikemalk123 0
Wow, got yourself a real winner there, apparently he's not quite as brilliant as he thinks you are... Not so sure if I'd say FYL or YDI, but it's funny all the same
uHazFailedTotall 0
He's a keeper, no doubt.
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Comments (226)
GalacticShadow 0
Well tell him this word: Banana Cream Pie... He'll flee like a pack of rats In a flooding subway station.... Peace be with you friends
13__Loki__13 1
So, how was it? The OP's date is so ******* Classy!
lovable 0
My God! Leave the restaurant right away!
phreshboi 1
but why was she out of the kitchen?
ktbird 0
Get a new joke.
bfffness 0
LMFAO... YDI for going on a blind date... you shouldn't be so surprised to meet weirdos. it's too bad he isn't smart, if he kept his mouth shut for a little longer, maybe he woulda gotten a ********.
jesslovesderrick 0
#75 lmfao:) that's hilarious! but wow that's ignorant but I probably would have laughed(:
fashion_suicide 0
WHAT THE ****?!?! this guy sounds like a total prick. lol but i cant say it wasnt an amusing story XD
murph_fml 21
Yep, another guy ruining it for the rest of us. I love how I have to jump through hoops to prove I'm not a ******* scumbag to every girl I meet.
JBaby16 0
and then one day, he sees you again and says "hey! it's the smart chick that I was gonna put my dick in her mouth! how nice to see you, dickmouth!!"
Craw25 0
lol wow