Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She'd walked in on me jerking off, which she said is exactly the same as cheating on her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Instead of having breakup sex, she tidied my room. She said it gave her more pleasure than any time we'd ever had sex. FML
Trust
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that her ex cheated on her when they were together, so she pegged all men the same, saying she was done with relationships, and didn't care if she hurt me or not. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML
Today, as things were getting hot with my girlfriend, it came up that I'm a virgin. She broke up with me. FML
Standards
Today, my girlfriend asked me what I think counts as cheating. We got into a fight about it, and she eventually broke up with me. Turns out, even by my own standards, I've cheated on her multiple times throughout our relationship. FML
Top comments
metallica_wins 20
You don't need that negativity in your life. Good riddance.
kittykat033 10
If she gets jealous of your own hands, you're better off without her
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (205)
metallica_wins 20
You don't need that negativity in your life. Good riddance.
sunnyray812 42
Definitely. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. Usually, couples like it when their significant other does it. Whoever has a problem with it has some serious issues.
kjack49044 18
Yea...Righty is all you need.
ThunderTheRad 14
"nothing wrong with masturbation" "nothing wrong" "with masturbation" Here's where you're wrong. "Science has proved masturbation is bad for you, as proved here: **** addicts were found to have chronically low dopamine levels all the time between **** sessions. In other words, if you watched **** on a Saturday then did it again on a Wednesday then most probably you will suffer from low dopamine levels sat through wed! In other words, you will feel more anxious, less confident, more depressed until the next session which will only elevate your dopamine levels for few hours then reduce them to a new low after you are done!" From: http://www.2knowmyself.com/Why_masturbation_lowers_your_self_esteem_and_kills_your_self_confidence
sicksadworld1317 30
Oh, 53. Righty is all you need for now, but sex is like a misdemeanor. The more you miss it, the meaner you'll get!
alphabetta 23
Did you seriously just
Lillias_fml 19
Well, my reaction was the same when I saw my boyfriend doing it. I normally don't mind it, but lately I was literally begging him for sex and he kept saying he was too tired. I am just saying that there could be other side, but I agree that dumping him was an over reaction.
geekbuscus 19
There's nothing wrong with not being comfortable with either of them masturbating, my husband feels the same way she does, but she is an idiot for never talking to him about it.
djcayo 4
well, on the plus side, your hand will never leave you so there's that..
kittykat033 10
If she gets jealous of your own hands, you're better off without her
nix1993 41
I'd put money on her having 'finished herself off' before, bet she doesn't see that as cheating. Last time I walked in on my ex jerking off I finished for him... I don't really see the problem, or even why it would bother anyone.
NiceGuysDoWin 21
Agreed. I don't understand these people who are so jealous of their partners. Masturbation is healthy, **** isn't cheating, and strip clubs are fun - for both partners. If my wife wants to go to a Chippendales show, I'd be more than happy to let her go, and she's paid for lap dances at the strip club for me. Same goes for fantasies. If I'm going down on my wife, and she wants to daydream about Bradley Cooper or Christian Bale, and it helps her to get off, why would I care? I understand wanting fidelity, but being jealous of fantasies and masturbation speaks to a deep level of low self esteem that is simply not healthy.
laden_swallow09 35
Mmm, testify, 42!
damn_all 22
Better getting off without her that is
annihil8or 15
According to her definition of cheating, washing herself in the shower would be cheating.
hateryanwoods 4
agreed
Idiotskillme 20
What a bitch. If she's that stupid, she didn't deserve you
DalPozzo13 10
At least you still have your hand
zandalee 20
Mrs Palmer and her four daughters
hamzor 5
Your hand will always be there for you through ups and downs... ;)
SimplyEcks 15
PALMela will do just fine because she knows what you like!
insainpyro 13
Plot twist, she took his hand with her.
\ 28
Professor Hans Jerkov will teach you everything you need to know about love.
prince_jimmy907 12
All Jack needs is his Jill. if you don't get it, just look at your hand. your fingers form the word Jill...
jumpshot32 11
Blow it off, you're probably better without her.
kurodansei 16
If she blew it off he wouldn't have to.
Natetc13 6
Hey-o!
MortenM 17
If he could blow it, OP probably wouldn't use his hands
FucYoCouch 13
Come on, Op, Hannnnah is the biggest **** out there. You Deserve It.
thecalvin123 21
I don't think OP mentioned anyone named Hannah.
Talis99 26
You missed the joke.
KingLewisII 34
Hannah is his hand, but for "her" to be a **** op would have to be jerking other dudes off which I highly doubt. Just a bad joke all around.
boating_guy 33
For someone with a lack of intelligence like that, sorry OP but you might be better off in the long run. What if that had happened years later? Would have been worse for everyone, mainly you for wasting all that time with her. Nothing like being a free man again
OptimusVader 23
I don't think it's a lack of intelligence. The problem seems more likely that she's insanely controlling and perhaps a tad crazy.
CoriCat 25
If you have a girlfriend, why are you jacking off? It would bother me too. Not enough to break up with someone, but it would make me feel like I'm not enough
FucYoCouch 13
And if he's jerking it to the thought of his Girlfriend? Is she still not enough?
G_bear24 9
I wouldn't honestly care as long they are thinking of me while doing it. I don't see a problem.
expectcriticism 13
um regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not people can pleasure themselves when they have the urge to. if you're seriously bothered by THEIR OWN HANDS you should really work on your self esteem. next thing you know you're gonna be bothered by them watching tv cause you're not enough entertainment
horneyhic 15
You realise that most studies say people who mastrobate in relationships are most sexual satisfied
tygerarmy 35
Coricat, do you have sex every time your significant other wants it? Are there no times you're horny and don't want to worry about having to get off someone else? Sometimes people wanna quickly take care of themselves.
tygerarmy 35
G_bear, why do you care who people think about? I don't care who my partner thinks about, if they wanna think about some celebrity, or some random attractive person, it doesn't hurt my ego, and if it helps get the job done, and makes people less likely to cheat, all the better.
xcookie_loverx 3
my boyfriend and I ********** together. Many couples do, so I suggest you stop being an idiot and read up on it.
leaves_me_a_mess 8
Guys are gonna **********, just like a female will, its not cheating or a crime so I don't see what the problem is.
TJWEIS 9
sounds like you got some problems to work out before you get in a relationship
nutellacat 8
Tygerarmy, am I the only girl like in the world who cares a little bit about if my boyfriend is jerking off to the idea of another girl?
macystar 14
#73, it would only bother me if my boyfriend was beating off to the thought of like, my sister, or a family member. other than that I don't see an issue with who he thinks about. Nor do I care if he wants to beat off.
tiarnatargaryen 23
@53, do you consider watching **** cheating?
jdlanam87 9
If it's a girl they know and are lustfull after I might be a little jealous but nah not really I mean. It's his jerk off time. As long as he's faithful.
tygerarmy 35
Nutellacat, I understand why you care. But caring about why is almost as bad as all the FML's where a person gets mad at their significant other in their dreams. You are upset over a fantasy and something your partner can't control.
Leslie316 5
i dont know if its just me. But I dont ask my boyfriend who he was thinking of while jerking off! i dont wanna know and im pretty sure he dont wanna know who i fantazise about
SuperStormCindy 8
Oy, you've got some issues to work through then. Masturbation is natural and healthy. You're not always around for your s.o. and sometimes they just don't want to have sex or have you pleasure them. You need to learn to accept it.
syed121417 22
Well to have to realize, guys are in their sexual prime when their in their teens/early twenties. That why their constantly horny. Women reach the sexual prime in ours 30s. So, no, it has nothing to do with whether the partner is good enough. Sex is rarely enough for guys
xcookie_loverx 3
89: Why would watching **** be cheating? My boyfriend and I watch it and *gasps* sometimes we watch it together.
gghhh 2
Lol thats a bullshit lie that a guy makes up to make his girl feel better. If a guy chooses to jack off to a **** with fake **** and made to look like a sexual object, he sure as hell isn't thinking about you. Not to be rude but it's the truth. They think with their boners not their heads.
iAlissa 34
Is Palmela Handerson prettier than her?
horneyhic 15
Not prettier then you
dman1997 5
I thought it was funny, not sure why you're getting thumbs down.
mythicaltimes 15
You had a gay relationship with your hand :)
Opinion_ 9
I don't think hands have a gender, there are differences in males hands and females hands but the hand itself is genderless.
Fuhkyoo 17
what if he drew a mustache on it first...