Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML
Today, after sex, my wife of three months said, "You know, sex isn't as good now that we're married… Maybe we should take a break." I said we should spice things up. She said, firmly, "No, let's stop" and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML
Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML
Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML
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Top comments
FlashBurn 13
Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.
dannyboy66 7
sounds spicy
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Comments (249)
Brass_Gears 0
if she can't take a joke she's not worth being with. time to upgrade.
KaskStunter 4
She tried. You failed. She will try again. With one of your friends.
matt6784 0
haha that is pretty funny. you kept the spices in the containers right? because if you didn't I can see why she'd be upset.
missworthless 0
Your girlfriend needs a sense of humor. If my boyfriend did that, I would be laughing my ass off. Then I'd have sex with him for being clever and having a sense of humor.
djxtones 0
I think she is part of the problem. Sex isn't supposed to be mathematical and philosophical. yeah, it was a corny joke, but what better way to get your mind off the obvious insecurity and awkwardness than to have a laugh together. She missed out on a good opportunity here. Women are always complaining men only think about sex and don't bring any creativity to the experience. Well when we try like OP we get shot down. OP sounds like he was trying to break the tension, not intentionally be a jackass. All you women who sided with the girl need to loosen up or you are going to be seriously disappointed by intimacy. Learn to have fun or just get a cat to keep you company. stop taking the joy out of men's lives by making things so dramatic and complicated.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I totally agree, but with one caveat: Some men are just as overdramatic and fun-sucking as their female counterparts. This FML could've easily still happened with the genders reversed.
loveless3692 2
haha that is great. if I was her I would of been cracking up and would of appreciated the joke and then would if had sex
LetItRise 0
you my friend are a clown
Equin0x 0
Epic
lekiat 0
LOSER!!
grdianknight 0
haha, that's awesome dude, she needs a sense of humor, but now that you lightened things up show her you take her seriously