Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML
Today, after sex, my wife of three months said, "You know, sex isn't as good now that we're married… Maybe we should take a break." I said we should spice things up. She said, firmly, "No, let's stop" and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML
Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML
Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML
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Top comments
FlashBurn 13
Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.
dannyboy66 7
sounds spicy
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Comments (249)
schoujar 0
hahaha date me instead! dude, I think that's pretty creative!
wtfitsxash 3
I would have found that hilarious.
ballbearing 10
I wouldn't have sex with you either. your boring in bed and suck at humor. ydi
llamalpaca382 13
And you're a bitch. End of story.
cumverg 0
You're no fun if you are distraught of a pun enough to give up sex for it.
llamalpaca382 13
Ahh, very witty :)
doodlez223 1
Sounds like someone can't take a joke. I though it was kind of sweet in a goofy guy way. Maybe he doesn't know what she would like and needs help. But I give him credit for thinking of something creative. I don't blame her for being a little mad though if you actually dumped the spices on the bed.
crazi0957 0
As a girl who is happily engaged, I have to say thats pretty clever. If my fiance did that, I would laugh my ass off and then have sex. The only way I would get even the least bit irritated is if he dumped all my spices onto the bed. But thats only because that would mean he wasted my spices knowing how much I love to cook. My advice: If you actually wasted spices, go buy more then go tlk to her. If you just took the time to put the bottles in the bed, you need to fix this soon or get a new gf. Sex should be about knowing how to laugh. Its not supposed to be serious and tense but relaxed and fun. Good luck.
xckylexc 0
ahhhh wers the sense of humor
rukianna 0
well thats what you get for being a smart ass
stovetopzebra 2
I would laugh if my boyfriend did that. lol sorry man