Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML
Today, after sex, my wife of three months said, "You know, sex isn't as good now that we're married… Maybe we should take a break." I said we should spice things up. She said, firmly, "No, let's stop" and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML
Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML
Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML
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Top comments
FlashBurn 13
Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.
dannyboy66 7
sounds spicy
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Comments (249)
Ann23 7
well on the positive side, she didn't break up with you at subway.
crazi0957 0
Are you the "my gf dumped me at subway" poster? Either way, I dont see the relevance the the fml.
Zomg_Okay 27
I'd say 'FYL for being awesome' but that wouldn't make much sense...
Pshhyah 7
I would have just laughed. I think that is really funny(:
perdix 31
Dumb ass! I hope you ask for "head" and your girlfriend replicates that famous scene from "The Godfather.". Then, you'll see how ******* funny being literal can be.
carmy25 0
I'm half half on this on one hand if the spices where all out and scattered on the sheets I would be like wtf. Specially if I was anticipating something really fun and then it turned out I couldn't even have sex on the bed in fear of getting spices up my u know wats. But if they where still I'n the bottle that would be fking hilarious and I would have jumped ur bones right there.
ticklezzzxD 5
lmao xD! i like the way he thinks; so cute!
jarico75 1
you missed an opportunity to have some epic sex. the joke was funny, but you have to read the situation and consider the audience.
alexFYL 11
Man, if I hadn't got off in awhile, I would have been angry too. You should have given her an ****** first.
calmagal 0
that's funny. I woud of laughed
eveplox 3
Best joke ever. Tell her to get a sense of humour next time