Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML
Today, after sex, my wife of three months said, "You know, sex isn't as good now that we're married… Maybe we should take a break." I said we should spice things up. She said, firmly, "No, let's stop" and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML
Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML
Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML
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Top comments
FlashBurn 13
Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.
dannyboy66 7
sounds spicy
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Comments (249)
megan061282 0
do you realize, you probably belittled her and embarrassed her by making fun of a serious suggestion? no sex for you for a while buddy!!
alaskasfml 0
lol i think you're awesome. this is now my second favorite fml after the one where the girl gets proposed to by her boyfriend putting a ring on his balls and asking for a ********. xD
pappamomma 0
YDI. The thing is, I'm sure your girlfriend would have found this hilarious under normal circumstances. However, opening up about sex puts you in an incredibly vulnerable position, and you made a joke of it, which could have made her feel utterly humiliated and embarassed. The public perception is that a lot of kinky sexual things are dirty and wrong, and you mocking her probably completely reinforced this in her mind. (And yes, I've been in a similar situation - my boyfriend said something which, in retrospect, was pretty funny, but at the time I was in a vulnerable position and just felt humiliated and angry)
megan061282 0
I totally agree! if I were in the girls position, I would be saying no sex indefinitely!
TexasCMoney 2
get rid of her and find someone with a sense of humor
mattrd_fml 31
I think that was pretty clever! I say dump her and get a girlfriend who has a sense of humor.
thetrollyoulike 6
say you were serious!
doubleodoggy 0
she wanted to go farther, not have spices, dumbass!
MagicMarker 0
Hahaha! You walked right into that one, genius. YDI.
xInwex 12
haha. wow! I would have laughed, :D I can see why she got a little mad though, you obviously have a "required" scene of humor.
Mattxy8 5
Lol, I think its funny :) just put hotsauce on your condom next time