Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML
Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
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Top comments
tylersign 11
Was his reaction something like: "Ooh, even better."? If so... Leave that place.
Redoxx_fml 22
At least you didn't say "no I let it grow wild"
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Comments (97)
HannahWho 8
Op, you have no foresight. You should find him after class and be like, "Hey I want you to come over to my house and help me mow my lawn." Wink. Then when he comes over, hand him the lawn mower. Your dad will be happy he does not have to mow it and you will profit.
JRokka850 6
Lmao that is great
happilyever2012 6
What was the reaction?
jkmcnns1005 6
I would have slapped him right then and there if I were you.
ieatcats 0
he's got a hat... he's ready to give the buisness
BluePanda13 0
major misunderstanding. imagine how your dad must feel now......O-O
Kcloudnine 0
I'm sorry but that's funny. It shouldn't be that bad
Ins_Knie 2
FYI, if that guy asks you whether you want a cherry pop, don't think he is offering you a soda...
SoultheWolf 19
I had no idea that was a sexual term and I'm in my 20s. o.O But FYL,
bubo_fml 11
Did he also ask, "How does he trim your hedges?" or "How does he line your rows?" (Not that I'm a perv or anything...)
bubo_fml 11
1 guy asks 1 girl if she shaves her snapper & 1 girl suggests an incestual relationship with father to millions...Who's the pervert?