Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML
Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
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Top comments
tylersign 11
Was his reaction something like: "Ooh, even better."? If so... Leave that place.
Redoxx_fml 22
At least you didn't say "no I let it grow wild"
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Comments (97)
coolstorybro6 6
Good answer
unmagickalhippie 10
always answer "wouldnt you like to know".
mrFTW 3
The real question is..do you shave?
stefaniekate6 6
lol too funny :)
KSIEringoBragh 7
XD jeez, sounds like my entire class... Here's what you do... Ask him "Can I ask you what color your Pen is?" If he replies with a color, tell him he might wanna get that checked out before it falls off... If he doesn't have a pen just FREAK out and say "OMG how do you pee without a Pen is!" Or maybe something a little more clever. Make sure there are people around. ;)
jtaltstatt 0
At least u didn't say ur dad hires ppl to do it
TriztenJ 0
I only go down if you keep the grass cut... -Wayne
writergirl23 19
Um I think he could tell you didn't know, OP
76transam 0
Giggity giggity goo!
hilary56 0
LOL that is so funny!!!!! :D